I live in the desert Southwest, and on [what seems like] every street corner is a gym.
Fancy warehouses of fitness.
Finding peaceful healing and growth after narcissistic abuse
I live in the desert Southwest, and on [what seems like] every street corner is a gym.
Fancy warehouses of fitness.
Have you ever just wanted people to hear you out… and instead, received unsolicited advice?
As an INFJ, it is one of my biggest pet peeves and yet it happens almost daily.
Over the course of my marriage, prior to divorce, my (now) ex-husband had a tendency to give his unsolicited advice to me about anything and everything he could. Looking back, it was his way of controlling me – dehumanizing me, breaking me down so that I couldn’t trust my inner voice, intuition, and make my own decisions.
I discovered my MBTI type several years ago. It was perhaps one of the most fascinating things. Imagine, deer in the headlights – whoa!
That was my initial reaction.
It’s not an attitude of pride, but of congruence.
You can, and may still, continue to love them, but with another perspective, and from another level of understanding, comprehension and awareness. It is the most difficult thing you may have to do in your life.
But it will also be the most critical thing you can do in your life.
Stop having difficult conversations with people who refuse to change. Stop appearing for people who are indifferent to your presence. Stop giving your love and energy to people who are simply not ready to accept what you have to offer and who are not ready to love YOU.
When you begin to be in your life completely, and when you develop a respectable level of self love, and give yourself joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to meet you there.
That does not mean you have to change who you are. That does not mean you should accommodate them or tolerate their inability to care. It means you need to get away from people who are not prepared to be with you.
If you are: excluded, easily ignored, ghosted or blocked, left on read, forgotten or subtly insulted by the person you so deeply care for, for the person you have gone out of your way for, and for the person you have been nothing but transparent and honest with, you are not doing yourself a favor.
Do not continue to offer them your energy and life.
You are not for everyone. Nor are they for you. That is what makes it SO special when you find people with whom you have a genuine friendship or relationship. You will know just how precious it is, because you will have experienced what it’s not.
The more time you spend forcing someone to interact with you, forcing them to care, forcing them to “show up”, the more you are depriving yourself of something bigger, better, and more valuable.
There are millions of people on this planet. There is someone out there that will meet you at your energy, who will give you their time, who will respect your presence and what you have to offer.
There is someone out there with the same vibration that you have, that won’t leave you wondering who or what you mean to them.
The longer you stay for someone who uses you as a cushion, or second option, the longer you miss out on finding a community or person that is your match.
“Maybe they forgot me completely.”
“Maybe if I stop showing up, they’ll love me less.”
“Maybe if I stop pursuing, the messages will end…”
“If I stop loving then maybe the emotions will go away.”
That doesn’t mean you are a bad person. It does not mean you gave up on them. They gave up on themselves.
It means that the only thing that sustained the relationship or connection you had was the energy that you and ONLY YOU put into it!
That is NOT love!
The most important thing that you can do for yourself and for your life is protect your energy more fierce than anything else.
Guard your life such as a way that only people who care, listen and truly connect with you are permitted inside.
You cannot save people.
You cannot convince people that they are worthy of bigger, and better things.
It’s not your job to give others pieces of your life in efforts to save them, because you feel sorry for them, or because you feel an obligation to care for those who are broken. At the end of the day, you may be afraid that they will not return that favor.
To love is to release those who cannot reciprocate or love you the way you love them, so that they can move on in their life and learn how to properly love and care for others.
Your job is to move on. Care for yourself. Find someone with whom you can share in the reciprocity of healthy love. A love that’s not dependent on ego, or material items, status or benefits. It’s a love that’s based on a whole new level of consciousness.
You deserve a true commitment, and a complete love, from those who are healthy, energetically vibrant, inspiring, and prosperous. You deserve someone who compliments your state of being and doing. You deserve someone who respects your goals and dreams, craves to love in the same capacity they receive love.
When you start showing up to your life wholly and completely, with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone is going to be ready to meet you there.
It did not add to my character. It did not make me kind.
Quite the contrary.
The trauma gave me trust issues, PTSD, nightmares and flashbacks. It gave me depression, anxiety, neurological issues. It led me to question everything, including my own ability to make decisions. It created fear, doubt and uncertainty. It made me more fragile and vulnerable to re-victimization. It paralyzed me, killed my dreams and hopes, and made me feel helpless, unloved and defeated.
The trauma made me a warrior.
It was me, who dragged myself out of dark place each and every day. It was me who learned to deal with the consequences from the things I had no say in.
I didn’t have anyone to care for me, support me or be there for me. I was there for myself. It was me who rose each morning to care for my kids, love myself and do what was necessary to make it to the next day.