Two years ago, I was standing in the bathroom of this little resort town in Northern New Mexico, finishing up in the shower after a lo ng day of doing things with the kids.We were on our annual summer vacation. And we chose to spend it away from devices and televisions, in a small, remote part of New Mexico in this quaint, gorgeous mountain town.
I was drying my face with the towel when I noticed something. Not only was my face super red from being in the sun all day, I had these little tiny dots on my nose.
Freckles, to be exact.
Now, freckles are not new to my face. When I was a kid, I had tons of freckles all over my face and arms. But as I grew older, they disappeared and my pale skin took over.
At this tiny little resort town, we spent the day outside. The kids and I went hiking, then we took the ski lift to the top of the mountain. We walked a million trails, collected pine needles & yarrow, then laid in the tall grass, took pictures, enjoyed the scenery and breathed the fresh air before we actually realized that we [eventually] had to come back down.
These freckles aren’t a life changing thing. But they are noticeable.
To me, they were an indicator that I was on the right path. Doing something that made me happy.
I was more than excited to see those freckles, because I hadn’t seen freckles on my face for years – over 20 years to be exact. In fact, it could very well be even close to 30. (Yikes – I’m telling on my age here!)
When I was 10, I had a ridiculous amount of freckles. I ran outside, catching lizards, frogs, riding bike, and swimming in town. I was never stagnant, instead always doing. But when I graduated, I found myself serving in the military – and while my training was outside in the hot, humid temps of Georgia, my job itself was spent indoors. In a truck, in a shelter, or in a really big military tent. Out of the sun.
When I exited the service, I worked again – indoors. For years, I was in an office, pushing papers, attending meetings and doing things that helped accomplish the bigger mission: putting people in military boots to serve. For years, I tried my best to run – half marathons, marathons, 5K’s and 10K’s… and running at night in between.
But I strayed from that as my [then] husband complained that I was spending too much time on myself.
So I quit running, and stopped doing the things that I enjoyed, that made me happy. Up until 3 years ago, I looked at myself in the mirror and I just looked drained. For years, my [then] husband made fun of my pale skin, my washed out skin, my inability to be “fit and trim” (despite him complaining that I was spending time on myself when I did work out).
Then, out of the blue and for a multitude of reasons, I filed for divorce in 2019 and knew, at that point, that I needed to change something. Where I was, and what I had been doing for the last 20 years was definitely NOT making me happy.
From that point forward, I started spending more time outdoors. I hiked at 4:30 a.m., again at 2 p.m. and again in the evening to see the sun as it set. I started running again, late in the evenings. I quit eating carbs, and started eating nutrient dense foods like avocados, eggs, red meat, lean chicken, tuna, salmon and butter. And I was shocked at how my body was responding. My body started dropping weight, I was getting tan, and I was not constantly drained.
Physically, I felt amazing.
Mentally, I was still a work in progress. Every day, I feel a little bit stronger. But I’m not quite all ‘there’ yet. I don’t think I’ll be able to say I’m 100% there.
The biggest takeaway from this experience is that I thought that my freckles were long gone when I hit my early teens. I thought that they were gone for good, never coming back, and that somehow, I had grown out of them.
To see them come back was a sign that I was headed in the right direction in my life. In the last 3 years, I have spent more time outdoors in the sun than I ever have in my entire life. My happiness and well-being have blossomed, as a result of that solitude and time in nature. I love being outside.
I am not using my college degree. I am not making six figures – in fact, I’m self employed and sometimes I struggle to make it month to month. But, I feel like I am on the right path. Sitting in an office or sitting at home and working for someone other than myself all day would never work for me.
I need something where I can stretch my creative brain, move my body, be outside in the sun, fresh air and wind and feel nature hit me in the face. Every day. Even in the heat.
That is exactly where I find happiness.
And my freckles seem to agree.