First and Only Choice

I don’t think I’ve ever felt like someone’s first choice – whether it be for friendships or romantic relationships. I have always ended up in situations where I was the doer, organizer, the one with the ideas, the planner, the one who organized trips… took action – and somehow, even with all of that, I always ended up being taken for granted, and not valued by others.

Looking back to 18 years of toxic marriage… I obviously wasn’t his first choice.

Had I have been his, he would never have had the sheer number of affairs he did. Somehow, I stayed there, continued to be beat over, and over and over again, and then destroyed after 18 years when I realized – I am being used.

I have a tendency to make myself available for people at the drop of a hat – after all, I love to spend time making people happy (even if it is at the expense of myself).

In a way, I feel like I’m a placeholder… until someone else comes along. Or, I feel like I’m just second rate, and that I literally have to beg people to spend time with me.

So why do some people feel like they are not a priority in anyone’s life?

1. Because you are not a priority in yours.
2. You are always available – they know that you will always be there when they need you.
3. They are NOT proud to have you.
4. You don’t possess anything they can flaunt in front of others.
5. You prioritize people that don’t give a damn about you.
6. You allow yourself to remain an option in their lives.
7. You value people who don’t value you.
8. You care too much – too much to the extent that others feel comfortable exploiting you.
9. You are yet to meet someone worth keeping.
10. You don’t know how to walk away from people that use you.

How do you deal with that?