Being Too Much

I heard a quote today, that resonated with me quite strongly:

If you’re too much for someone, then they can go find less.

Relationships, friendships, family-ships, acquaintances – they can add to our life or they can detract. They can add to our growth mindset or, they can diminish who we are.

When we find someone we connect with, we do whatever we can to keep them in our lives. We aim to add value and love to their life, learn more about ourselves, and help others learn more about themselves in the process.

But sometimes, we are feeling disconnected.

Left.

You find someone you truly care about. They put time in, they text you, call you, and tell you the things that make you feel like the most special person on the plant.

Sometimes, that person can make you feel seen, accepted, and desired for who you are.

But yet, you still weren’t enough.

In the beginning, they accept you for your rawness, your true, down to earth nature. They love your willingness to live in the present, your outlook on life, and your life goals.

But you still aren’t enough. You dim your own light to light theirs, because you think the world of them. But as you dim your own light and crank the brightness on theirs, you’re left wondering….

“Why isn’t anyone cranking the brightness on mine?” You know you’re pretty unique, deep within. You have extraordinary aspects to you that make you unlike anyone else you have ever known.

But yet you are left.

Why constantly dim your own brightness to illuminate the brightness of others? 

Years later, after a multitude of confessions, the on-again, off-again continues.  Even after communicating and outpouring your feelings, you realize you were always ready… until they weren’t.

But, again, you are left.

Do you have any idea what it is like to be left by the person you love?  Do you have any idea what it is like to hear silence from the one person that you would move mountains for?

Do you know what it is like to hear silence from someone that jumped at every opportunity to help you, show you, and be around you on a moment’s notice?

You start to question if you are the problem.

You question your looks, weight, work ethic, maybe even your own personality.

But you shouldn’t. Stop – do not ever, dim your light.

You are not the problem.

They couldn’t be around you because your light was too bright. They did not want to stand in your shadow because, face it – that’s a pretty deep shadow.

They weren’t ready to meet you at your level. Why should you apologize for being too much? You were never too much to start with.

It was them.

They can’t actually be with someone that would hold them to a standard.

When you started loving them for who they were, you had expectations that they were not able to meet.

Some people will constantly complain about their situation, but in reality, they’re exactly where they want to be.

If they wanted to change, then they would. And since they are where they are, they clearly don’t. And that’s for a multitude of reasons – fear, obligation, guilt, materialistic status, image, and stuff.

The fact is, they remain where they are. It doesn’t matter why. 

So for all the ladies out there who find themselves apologizing for being too much.. or, asking themselves if they are too much…

No.

Just… NO.

You are not to blame for them not getting their shit together.

You’re not to blame for refusing to dim your bright light.

Do not dim your light for someone else.

Honestly, if you are too much, then they can go find less.

Because that’s a vibe.