Can’t Let Go

When you can’t let go, ask God to do it for you.

I read just a few days ago that women will leave mentally before they leave physically.

“………women will leave mentally before they leave physically.”

I checked out of my marriage mentally in early 2006. I couldn’t physically leave (as much as I wanted to), because I feared I wouldn’t be able to make it on my own with a newborn. So I stayed – but things were so far removed for such a long period of time that mentally, I knew that nothing could be fixed (nor did I want to at that point). The same hopeless feelings and the same resentments continued to surface which led me to give up on him.

Looking back, there wasn’t any love in the beginning either (which propelled that mental detachment even more).

I’m often times asked, the same questions repeatedly from”why did you stay for so long if he was so manipulative?”… and “why did you have kids if he was that bad?”

That’s akin to asking an abuse survivor why they tolerated the abuse – after all, just leave, right?

As many who have been in my place can testify, it’s scary to walk away from a relationship for many reasons – mine was the fear of being left to care for 5 kids alone, in a high cost of living area, on one income, when you’ve become comfortable. Not entirely “comfortable” as in happy with the person (because I wasn’t, at all!), but comfortable with the toxic living situation – comfortable with having someone there – even though it was the wrong person. Even though that person was not what I envisioned as a life partner, spouse, or someone I truly wanted to spend time with.

Ultimately, God is faithful. If He asks you to do something, he will be right there with you, equipping you with he strength and peace you need even when you don’t think you have the strength to let go.

Plus – he is the most patient being you will ever meet.

God gives us the free choice to choose – and He will only come into your situation if you allow him to. When you learn to loosen your grip and need for control when it comes to your relationships, and focus on His love for you, his peace and grace and love with surround you especially when you need it the most.

Eventually, I conjured the courage to file for divorce and let go of the 18 year build of suffocating frustration. I trusted the Lord to restore to me someone who would be fit for me – in His time. I gave my broken heart and struggles to the Lord, and decided to trust Him to heal and restore me. When all else fails, His Word is your power.

His heart is for you – never against you.

If there is a decision that he places on your heart, and you are unsure of the direction in which to take, talk to Him about it.  Ask him to show you what to do.

Choose to trust in Him.

When you do, things will not just change, but they will change for the better. Everything will turn out beautiful in it’s God-centered season. There may be detours along the way, and consequences we have to pay for our actions, but there’s nothing you can do to change the direction that God has for you.

God is merciful in sending people our way. Throughout your journey, you may have someone (or two) that travels with you to remind you about God’s word, provide you wise counsel and support, even on the days that are foggy.  You never know who God has in mind to be the vessel that gives you the answers and support you need.

When it comes to the matters and affairs of the heart, God wants you to live your life with someone who can stand in faith, even during the times that it matters the most.