When I Go Quiet

When I go quiet, its usually because I have been hurt.

So I do what I know how to do best: I make myself disappear for a while.

It’s a form self protection.

No matter what, people will do what they do.

I will retreat.

Whether you ignore or use the silent treatment, both are emotionally manipulative. When I was a small child and even through my teenage years, my mother used to resort to the silent treatment and often times ignored us as kids. So for me, being ignored is a trigger. A major trigger.

Being ignored tells me you don’t value me, and thus, don’t value what relationship we had, either.

I am a highly empathetic individual who struggles with being overlooked and ignored by others. When I am ignored, I will retreat into myself, become introspective and seek solitude to process my emotions.

Eventually, I will realize that your behavior has more to do with your own issues than anything I had done wrong.

I understand, that people are busy; but a little heads up or acknowledgement goes a long way.

If it is someone I don’t like, then it won’t bother me quite as much, if at all. But… when it is someone that means a great deal to me, it hurts, massively. It’s like a painful stab of the heart. I have a hard time getting past it.

I don’t want to compete with anyone. I’m not going to compete with anyone.

I understand, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m not rich. I’m not a bombshell by any means. But what I lack in those areas I have in love, patience, compassion.

But only to a certain point.

I’ll back off, retreat, disappear.  Because it’s clear, to me… that what I thought was there may only have been something I felt.

And that, is what hurts the most.