Being in a toxic relationship is exhausting.
You feel hopeless, unseen, unheard, unloved.
To have every single area of your life invalidated while you are disrespected, ignored, poked fun at, and shamed.
I questioned myself. I blamed myself. I questioned my abilities.
All these years later I still do.
When someone ignores me or doesn’t respond to something I retreat. The last thing I want to be is a burden. And I don’t want to be just an “option” to someone who can’t put forth their best self on a consistent basis.
I was married to someone who slept around with a number of women.
I’m not sure what’s worse. Being cheated on, or knowing that your spouse wants to sleep around while remaining married in efforts to avoid the financial demise of divorce.
The only time the relationship with a narcissist works is if you sacrifice yourself to the relationship, and in the process, lose yourself.
Unfortunately, it never gets better. It might get tolerable for a brief period, but it won’t permanently get better until you make the decision to leave.
Narcissism happens to you slowly. The awful behavior slowly creeps in the back door.
Books (about relationships) will tell you what to do and instruct you to set a boundary. So you implement those tips you read in books and forums online. You will be told that you are the problem. You are the needy one. You are difficult.
When you exert your true self in a narcissistic relationship and create balance, they will shut that down – shaming you is a sure fire way to do that.
Be prepared to be told that you are the one with the problem, that you are crazy, or that you are over-sensitive.
You have to remind yourself that you aren’t all those things.
Setting boundaries is not possible when you are in a relationship with a narcissist.
They will use all the typical narcissist tactics (gaslighting, projection, deflection) and push every button until you are forced to shut down and walk away. Then, they will tell you that you are the narcissist and what you are doing is stonewalling.
Not only are you taking the abuse, now you are being identified as the abuser.
The result of that insidious behavior leads you to establish a pattern of distrust and social isolation to avoid a similar situation from happening again.
When you exert your true self in a narcissist relationship, they will find a way to shut that down.
Your strongest stance is to take your power back. Put your foot down, and recognize this is a common play for them.
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