The Right Love

I was in a terribly unhappy marriage for years.  There was an absence of love, respect, communication and even compassion in my marriage.

There was emotional manipulation, power and control. He never “loved” me, he loved what I was providing to him. He didn’t care about my needs – he cared more about how I was meeting his.

Eventually, he was unfaithful. That infidelity spiraled into multiple acts of infidelity until I finally, one day, filed for divorce – that’s when the several-year contentious battle started.

If he was so unhappy, then why didn’t he file? 

If he felt compelled to cheat, not just once but many times, why didn’t he initiate the divorce?

The answer is simple: he was scared of the financial pitfall that would ensue – not just child support but half of his assets, and retirement. He was scared of what others on the outside would think. And lastly, he was scared to be on his own.

It all came down to fear.

The truth is this: most people are scared to live with no fear. They like their little boxes because they get positive reinforcement from outsiders giving them praise for living their life the “way you’re supposed to live.”

• married with kids
• happy on social media
• cute house
• adorable backyard with garden
• perfectly cared for vehicles
• lots of “stuff” — inside and out, material wealth
• frequent trips, concerts, events

The truth is… you can always make more money. You can always buy more stuff.

I always think of the lyrics from this Eminem song – Lose Yourself:

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime

You can’t pass on THE ONE.

Life is long, especially when you’re in a marriage where you don’t want to be there. Men and women who are not happy will buy their way out.

I know this because I did it.

I didn’t give a sh*t about the money. I cared about taking care of myself. I spent far too many years loving everyone else, serving everyone else, and neglecting my own needs.

I didn’t give a sh*t about what others would say.

I didn’t give a sh*t about being on my own – I already was. I’d rather be single as a single parent than be married and feel like a single parent.

I didn’t give a sh*t about ANYTHING when I left. I was done.

I knew I wanted something more, something far greater than where I was. Does that make me a failure? Definitely not.

Love though, true love, that is priceless. I would go to the end of the world with no fear of anything – just love. No limits, no boundaries – anything and everything is possible with the right love.

I never gave a shit about that because when I’m 90, and I’m hooked to some machine, I don’t want to look back and say ‘I sure wish I….’

I’d rather say ‘remember that time….’

You only get one shot at this.

Make sure your obituary is a whole f*cking page, not a classified ad.