I just finished reading a book I picked up at the thrift called “Hurt People Hurt People.” It was one of the most informative books I’ve ever delved into. It helped me see things from a beautiful perspective – it helped me reflect upon my own life and explain the intricacies of the relationships that never seem to work out despite how hard I find myself trying.
You can try, and try, and give, and give… but in the end, if the recipient isn’t able to love – it won’t work.
If the recipient isn’t willing to accept your love…. it won’t work.
If the recipient equates love to things that aren’t love (aka – power, control, financial stability, materialistic wealth), it won’t work. Because love isn’t control. Love is not power. Love isn’t manipulation. Love isn’t wealth.
Love is love.
No amount of giving or sacrificing will ever make it work – you can throw yourself at someone and even then, they still might not even be able to accept what is coming their way. Even if you decorate it, dress it up with every bow and sparkly wrapping paper imaginable, tie it with a big ribbon and throw a tag on it – if they don’t love themselves, it will NOT WORK.
No matter how much they think or claim that they need said relationship.
To love is one of the best feelings. To love someone is to love who they are, faults and all, not what someone can provide for you.
However, if you love someone more than they love themselves, you are in for a world of hurt.
It is our human nature to behave in a manner that confirms our expectations.
Confirmation bias leads us to see the worst everywhere when we expect to see the worst. And we act badly to ensure that we are poorly received.
So if you love someone more than they love themselves, they will tear your heart apart to prove it is faulty rather than tear their past apart to challenge the narrative that they are no good.
This is the basis for the saying “hurt people will hurt people”.