Finding peaceful healing and growth after narcissistic abuse
At the end of the day, I realize you’re all I really want. When all the confusion clears and I think about my life, I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have next to me than you.
You must know that I knew in an instant when I met you that you were what I wanted. You did not just tear down my walls of hurt and mistrust but blew them up with the biggest dynamite sticks ever known to man.
You really are a safe space for me.
And I hope that, amidst the frustration of the overwhelm of feelings and situation, that I can be somewhat of a safe space for you.
When you are together with someone who makes you feel like you’re in a safe space, your nervous system feels regulated – that regulated system brings a sense of peace and calm, as well as relaxation. When you are working or living, or living life from a place of a stabilized nervous system, the more easily you can show up for your purpose – yourself, your friends, your family.
Being in that safe space, you feel love.
But if you aren’t operating from a place of feeling safe, and relaxed, then your nervous system isn’t regulated. It’s hard for us, at times, to stabilize our nervous system – we try, though methods like drinking, prescriptions, smoking, sugar, drinks like soda, coffee, energy drinks, what not.
I have learned on this journey of love, is that when we are able to show empathy, understanding and compassion, we take the pressure off the other person who feels like they have to respond. Instead of responding or reacting from a place of flight or fight, or other ways our reactive system chooses to respond, our nervous system responds from a place of safety and security.
This can help provide the emotional stability that the other twin needs – instead of feeding our twin guilt or shame, or try to get them to carry our emotions around about their inconsistencies, we can witness from a place of non-judgement. When we show up from a place of being a safe space, we are clothing them in a layer of unconditional love.
In this dynamic, this chaotic inconsistency is likely the result of one or both coming from a background or childhood upbringing where stability and consistency was not present. There may have been high levels of chaos, conflict or trauma – as a result, one or both did not develop a sense of unconditional love or learn how to trust a stable, safe, consistent figure.
The masculine, as a result, never learned to regulate, and stay steady or consistent, and instead, is in a constant state of overthinking and stress as they recreate these patterns in every, single, relationship – because that is all they have ever known. They never shown consistency and trust from the people who were meant to love them the most – as a result, the masculine struggles to create their own sense of trust and stability.
It’s very easy to move back into the old patterns of behavior especially if you are surrounded by old habits, and triggers. The masculine can trigger themselves through stress or pressure of their job. Some may be in a trauma bonded relationship that was not chosen from a place of being fully conscious – in which you didn’t realize until your twin came into your life and cracked that life open.
It feels so unfamiliar for the masculine to be trustworthy simply because they haven’t cultivated that feeling of trust and reliability for themselves yet – and every time they are away from the feminine they are triggered out of this place of safety and trust and stability and instead find themselves falling into old habits and behaviors because of their environment and circumstances.
It is difficult to create an internal place of peace and stability within ourselves if our environment is continually draining. Think of it like a plant…
If a plant isn’t flourishing, you don’t change the plant.
You change the environment the plant is in.
To change the plant, you actually just need to pick up the plant and put it in the sunshine.
So we become very critical and self loathing, we are told to look at the faults within. Understandably, we are created in God’s image, as we are – while we aren’t perfect, it’s essential for us to break free of the old paradigm and move forward in ways that help us develop new pathways that are associated with trust, reliability, and stability for ourselves.
Sometimes, until we meet our twin, we continue to follow the same patterns of our childhood wounding so we choose people who match the personality of our parents: dramatic, chaotic, those who are easily offended, perhaps people who love to argue in front of others, or those who like control based patterns of behavior.
These kind of relationships are what have kept one or both twins from creating healthy, trust-based behaviors for themselves. Instead, one or both are following the same old pathways and re-imprinting the same patterns of inconsistencies.
When twin flames connect, when they meet, your central nervous system starts to calm down and [finally] recognize that place of safety and trust within each other. It really is the body’s way of saying “You don’t have to life life this way!”
Trust what feels good
Trust your heart space
Trust the energy that you have together when you are together..
Trust the time and space you have when you are around each other..
By trusting the body, you are rewiring yourself for peace, trust, stability, consistency, presence – all the things that we have been craving probably since childhood. It is meant for you! You are not meant to be running on a half-empty tank.
When you showed up in my life, I saw the best in you.
All this time later, I still see the most incredible version of you. Being around you, I’m in this beautiful energy where I literally think you are the most amazing thing on this Earth – because you are!
I see all the incredible things you are..
I see what a beautiful person you are..
I see what a beautiful SOUL you are..
There is nothing else and there is no-one else.
There is no doubt I feel a tremendous amount of pain when I am not around you, even more when I see you in your own life with others. How can I not? You demolished the fortress of walls I had put up around myself for years – in you I saw myself. I might hurt deeply to see you with others, I convince myself I am and was nothing but regardless, I still love you and see someone who is incredibly smart, humorous, passionate and driven, and most of all, full of love.
But I also see someone who has been hurt and someone who has been through massive amounts of emotional turmoil.
Deep within, I think you struggle to accept a certain amount of positivity – because you think “if this person only knew the real me… maybe they wouldn’t like it”. WRONG! I do see the real you.
Perhaps you are weighed down in every single way and you have created this reality about yourself that you believe to be true – you carry heavy burdens of not being enough, or living enough, or that you aren’t fulfilling your purpose. Maybe you are accustomed to thinking that you weren’t good enough for your parents [because that’s what your parents taught you], and thus, you stay stuck in this particular container with these beliefs about yourself that manifest your reality.
And you live in that container every day.
Everyone does this. We are all a physical representation of what we believe to be true based on what experiences we have had. Deep within, I think your gut tells you that you are here for something much greater, and you are capable of much greater things.
But God knows that you are enough.
“That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”
Romans 8:28
Valentine Day … it’s just a few days away. Every store is lined with flowers, chocolates, teddy bears and gifts for lovers to share.
But… in all honesty, every day should be a day to remember to value love and extend love to others, after all, love is one of the most powerful forces in life.
Unfortunately, in the process of a busy lifestyle, some of us may have buried love deep in our being. As a result, we need a commercialized day on the calendar to remind us to celebrate “love” officially once each year.
God has created us to have the gift of love. However, there are people who have never truly loved or loved enough. Some may have even consciously sabotaged themselves from loving and living a full life.
To the average person, Valentine’s Day is the day to make dinner reservations, go to a resort/cabin, and spend the weekend doing “couples” things together. Then, in true fashion, posting those pictures on social media – proclaiming your love for one another.
I can’t look at Valentine’s Day the way most do – in fact, it’s just like any other day for me. Because I want to show my love constantly – not just proclaim it on the commercialized day we call Valentine’s Day.
Instead, I think to myself: how can I make ONE day special for such an amazing person? I’ve been trying to make every day special for them. Being with them is special to me and even those dark chocolates I love so much mean nothing in comparison to this person. He is EVERYTHING.
So while others need to fill one day with special, I want to fill every day with special hugs, kisses, smiles, spontaneous dinners out and small gestures to show him that he means the entire world to me.
Because, to me, the right person makes every day feel like Valentine’s Day.
My only inspiration. When I first found you on IG I was floored by the things that you did.
I didn’t see your face. Nor did I know your name. But what I did see was someone who, despite his generous skill, was ridiculously humble.
You never flaunted your skill or accomplishments, and you never used that skill to elevate your status. That one character, humility, was so noticeable, because it’s not a character trait that most people have the ability to claim for themselves.
That humility was far more than just surface – it is a sign of deeper emotional intelligence. That’s what makes me like you for deeper reasons – for who you are, rather than what you have the ability to do for people. Your humility makes you likable.
Likable people are humble because they know that they aren’t better than anyone else but wise enough to know that they are different from the rest.
I was so fascinated by you then, and all this time later, you still continue to fascinate me with your skills, your talents, creativity, and your work ethic. The moment I saw you with milk that day on IG, I was floored. I followed you intently.
I was so fascinated by everything you did.
Your strength of faith, your humor, your positivity, your humor, and you. You. I never even saw you. I had no idea who you were. But I loved following you… so much more than you will ever realize. Over time, I grew more fascinated by you – there was so much I saw in you. There were things I saw in you that you probably didn’t and still don’t see in yourself.
You are undeniably creative, you have a charming personality, a great work ethic, and you are a ray of positivity in a world that is increasingly negative. Moreover, you ran your own business, and you did it successfully – what would be a challenge for most is something you did remarkably well.
You were always so adventurous, you loved nature – you found things that the common eye can’t recognize. A single flower in the mist of a sea of dirt, and gravel. Wind, shifting the grass along the water in Red River. I felt like I had met another version of myself, in the opposite gender.
For the first time in my entire life, I felt like I had met someone who understood me completely and someone I could open up to.
You always say to me… “I hope I can be everything you are looking for in a person.”
You are more than everything I could ever imagine in a person. I think about you constantly. There’s never a second of the day that I’m not thinking about what you are doing, how you are feeling, and things going through your mind.
When I met you, you made me question everything I’ve known. Feeling your love made me realize I haven’t ever known a love so real. It frustrated me to know that you are and will be the ONLY real love I have had and may ever have.
I never get tired of following you, thinking about you, spending time with you. I could forever make cards, every day for years, and never tire of being hopeful that they mean something to you. The love I have for you never fades. It always resurfaces.
Even in your absence, you inspire me, motivate me and encourage me in ways you will never understand. You have shone a light on my scars and resurfaced emotional wounds that I know I need to address within myself to heal. I only hope I can do the same for you.
I see you, trying. Every day. But yet you still aren’t sure if you are doing it right, because nobody ever did much for you. But I see you trying and and I want you to know something.
You are good enough.
Even on the days that you think you are’t enough, you are good enough to me. You hold yourself to unreasonably high standards of perfection, making it completely possible that you will fall short. And on the days the you fall into self sabotage, and your mind tells you that you aren’t enough for anyone, you are enough for me.
I see you , in the heart and I see you in the soul. I see all of you and I love you. I love you and respect you in those times that you are the most vulnerable. I am so grateful you are in my life. I’m even more grateful that we crossed paths. Your caring heart and gentle hands, your strength and resilience displays the things you have endured – you have encouraged me to do things that I would have never had the courage to try without you.
You have helped me appreciate things that I had always taken for granted – you have helped me reinforce my interest in enjoying the beauty of the smallest things around us.
Thank you for being so caring and so kind. You make me unbelievably happy. Even in times of absence and silence, I am grateful for you. Knowing you has brought me a joy that I never knew before – my life is just so much better with you in it, and I know that it will always be. I can only hope that I can be the kind of person you have dreamed of, and the person you deserve to have.
You have changed my life so completely.
I have always believed in a deep, wholehearted love that strikes the core of my soul; I believed that there is someone out there who could love me deeply, soulfully and passionately every day until the day that I am taken from this world.
I believed that there was, out there somewhere, the kind of love that filled me with joy, inspiration, passion and purity. Pure, unadulterated, unfiltered love.
I never thought I’d could ever find that love. But I found it in you. You are worth fighting for. I want to show you that I will go to the ends of the earth to pursue you, show you my gratitude in words, actions and in my daily prayer life. I want that someone to understand that I am serious about the capacity of my emotions.
I want you to know that you are enough to me. You are the man of my dreams. I want you to know I am constantly sending you my love and compassion. I want you to let go of the fear that you aren’t good enough, or that I will find someone else. I want you to let go of the fear that someone else would make me happy.
I want you to trust that the love I have is genuine. I will never give up on you. Maybe you can’t see it, but I want you to know that there is no reason to fear that you are not enough for me. I want you to know that I love you… I have loved you for a long time and I will always love you. I admire you for not giving up on me or yourself. I admire your courage, your strength, your creativity, personality, passion, zest for life, your generosity, your patience, and your humility.
Only a small fraction of people have the courage to self reflect, strive for personal growth, and to exit their comfort zone for things that are bigger and better than they could have ever imagined.
I have always wanted a parter who was special, who was different from the rest. Someone who matched my quirkiness.
Then you show up.
You are the man of my dreams, and the greatest blessing in my life.