INFJ’s are undoubtedly contradictions. A paradox. If anything, a walking contradiction. They are, essentially, the “rarest” Myers-Briggs personality type. And rightfully so – they have their quirks.
They are serious, logical, and hardworking, but also compassionate, conscientious and reserved. They value close, deep connections and are sensitive to the needs of others, but also need time and space alone to rest and recharge.
They are essentially born with a lack of deviousness. They are a rarity.
What makes them so rare is that they don’t think about hurting people intentionally, if at all. They don’t ever think about getting the advantage over people, claiming attention, and they can’t be bullied. They aren’t afraid of going against the grain.
Likewise, they can’t be peer pressured into things.
The contradiction is really the tie that binds the INFJ.
Deep inside, they are highly upstanding. Righteous. Good-minded. They have an independent code that they live by.
It’s surprising, then, what they tolerate – and, likewise, what they won’t. It won’t make sense to most people.
How can one be so virtuous and yet tolerate so much? It’s because the moral code of the INFJ is based on kindness and honesty.
How can an INFJ be so fearless to stand up to that bully, and yet be afraid to show who they really are?
How can an INFJ be so kind and generous to others but deep down, believe that nobody cares about them?
How can an INFJ tolerate so much without so much as a word, but then stand up for indecency or maltreatment?
How can an INFJ be the life of the event, but then need copious amounts of alone time?
A true INFJ thinks wholly and deeply about everything. They study people and themselves, they crave authenticity, honesty, and real experiences. They are driven to connect to people and are constantly seeking kindred souls but yet, at the same time, are wholly independent.
A true INFJ has a thought-out reason for everything that they do. Every word and action is picked very intentionally – yet, they fail at planning the most basic of things.
A true INFJ holds themselves to an incredibly high standard but not those around them.
A true INFJ is extremely forgiving but at the same time, completely intolerant.
INFJ’s are quiet, and soft-hearted, but yet able to fight to the death. They are undoubtedly the silent person in the room, unless they are with kindred souls – then?
They absolutely light up the room – so much in fact that you would mistake an INFJ for an extrovert.
The INFJ’s main issue with love…
….Is that no-one understands us. And if we find someone who does – someone who sees us like we see them, who acknowledges who we are, and isn’t blinded by disbelief – then we will love them forever.
Emotionally, we are extremely fragile.
Because we give all of ourselves to love, we get our sense of purpose from nurturing others. We are careful with your heart, and we are mortified when we have hurt you. We will cherish you and hold you on the highest pedestal, where ou can do everything and never be wrong.
Until… you start to take us for granted.
Until you don’t listen when we ask you to listen, when you ignore us, or when you unleash anger at us or diminish who we are or what we do. Because everything that we are and do is meaningful to us – we do things with intention.
When you see us as something we are not, when you lie to us, or when you question who we are, then we retreat. This is intolerable to us.
We can’t stand that which isn’t real.
We give up.
To us, that hurts. It’s almost, in a sense, unforgivable because we would never ever think of doing that to you.
One false move, and we can’t recover. Honesty and authenticity are required. If you can be anything, be honest – or you will see us spiral down. We are emotional perfectionists – but please, don’t put us on a pedestal. Please do not lie.
We don’t want the scrutiny or applause. Let us be who we are.
And don’t, ever, plug yourself into us for dear life. INFJ’s need their alone time to recharge, think, process, and heal. If you depend on us emotionally, we risk breaking. We will let you get close, but at the same time, we don’t want you to get too close.
We make no sense, and yet to some, we make perfect sense.
Don’t be afraid to tell an INFJ you love them – for an INFJ loves words. They love to hear words with meaning. But they don’t want meaningless compliments. Be honest, tell the truth. If you can’t speak words, write them a song, paint them a picture – your effort and thought means everything to them.
A true INFJ thinks a lot. They study and crave someone to do the same.
Because INFJ’s are so rare, nobody understands them. Usually when people think they understand us, they are way off the mark.
So when someone comes along that does seem to understand us, they are almost like a tall glass of water in the middle of the desert.
All we need, crave for, desire is for someone to see us. Hear us. Love us. And let us be who we are.