The key to processing narcissistic abuse is putting it on paper ~ find out why journaling is the key to finding love and connection.
One of the most important factors in a toxic relationship is healing and protecting yourself from further abuse.
Obviously, leaving is necessary. It may also be the hardest thing to realize and accept – after all, you may opt to remain in that relationship due to a variety of factors to include obligation, kids, finances and even guilt.
Remember, narcissists don’t change.
Also: their habits don’t change. In addition, their personality will not change.
They do a great job at throwing guilt at you by convincing you:
- That you have shared time in the relationship
- That you have kids together
- That all marriages are challenging – they all require work (while they do, they don’t require manipulation)
- That all marriages go through dry spells (yes and no… you shouldn’t have to beg for basic affection)
- That you have memories!
- That you have family, extended family and friends – and what will they say?
Finally … they may convince you that you are likely going to be unable to make it on your own. They’ll make you feel like you are so dependent on them/their income/their comfort, that you will never be able to handle life solo.
Ultimately, leaving should be your goal.
Narcs are attracted to those who abandon self. They help you do it so severely until it hurts terribly – and pain is what tells us there is something wrong. The result of pain can be anything from:
- migraines
- frequent muscle aches, pains
- forgetfulness, depression, feelings of desperation, hopelessness
- doubting your capabilities
- insomnia, weight gain and medical issues
- hair loss
- confusion, memory loss
Narcs are a mirror of the consequences of forgetting about yourself. They allow/enable you to be needed by feeing, then starving you, to death. Then feeding you, and starving you, all while telling you while you need to abandon yourself further.
Their actions will have you questioning your own reality.
By the time you start to think that something is wrong, you have given up doing many of he things you once loved, little by little. SO subtly, your narc will devalue everything you loved – so well that he could always say it was all in your head.
Eventually, your peace is better than anything else, so you give up everything you are, and ignore yourselves so severely you will do ANYTHING for their love, affection and approval.
The kicker is… and where we need to heal, is we only starve because we need ourselves. Self abandonment means we have turned off the energy of love from flowing into and through us. We can only get this energy through the love and attention we give ourselves.
If all we give ourselves is self doubt, fear, criticism, self shaming, and ignoring – we are now treating ourselves just the way they have treated us.
We crave co-dependency so much that we don’t believe that we can ultimately fend for ourselves. We are scared of being alone. We are scared that we can’t make it on our own. So we remain in the relationship, out of that trauma-bond – because of our addiction to the strings that they control to take us through life.
The truth is: we do not truly believe that if we cut the strings, that we will survive.
You can only push forward in the growth mindset if you stop giving our power to another for validation.
Become aware. Allow yourself to look at your own abandonment wounds.
Failing to due so, will lead to:
- overactive empathy – keeps you starving for attention
- codependency – keeps you clamoring for love and validation, despite the toxicity
- cPTSD – makes you untrusting, keeps you in panic mode, and affects your resting state
- chronic loneliness – causes deep depression, and the inability to think or care about life
Journaling is Key
Journaling has been one of the most necessary activities since I left my narcissistic marriage. It is so very helpful is chronicling behaviors – keeping track of your experiences, thoughts, behaviors, and moments.
Not only does it give you a safe, nonjudgemental space to learn how to deal with the effects of this personality type, it puts things on paper.
The moment you start to Google someone’s behavior in order to understand them is the only red flag you will ever need.
Putting pen to paper, or typing a journal online, helps you gain a perspective about a relationship that isn’t always visible when you’re in the midst of that relationship.
- Narcissists are always looking for attention, praise, and notoriety – they want any reason to feel significant
- They always need to be the center of attention – they will often times use the guise that they are helping people, leading people, etc – they want to be the center of attention while doing so and the praise and recognition for what they do
- They are obsessed with titles – the more titles, the more significant they feel
- They want people to think they are wonderful
- Image is detrimental for a narcissist – which is why social media is such a toxic breeding ground for narcissist who hide behind a mask of a fantasy world
Journaling saved my life – I could finally see the toxicity of the marriage when it was on paper. I could tell the gaslighting versus reality, all the times he made me feel bad, it helped me to re-read what I wrote and process my emotions when I was going through such a huge emotional turmoil.
Journaling is instrumental in processing your emotions and recording reality.
Over the last year, I’ve published dozens of stories on Battling a Narcissist on repeated emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Writing has been my outlet, along with hiking solo, to free myself and empower myself to push forward despite personal fears.
With each article, I make the decision that the truth matters.
Through courageous vulnerability, we find love and connection.
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