I live my life very intentionally. I try so hard to make people feel loved, respected, and valued. But it always comes at the expense of being second in everyone’s life, and assumed that I will always be willing to deal with substandard behavior.
After almost two decades of being married to someone who was repeatedly unfaithful, I realized I was nothing but a placeholder. You don’t cheat on someone you love. If you are in a relationship/marriage where you have been unfaithful, that is not a loving marriage. Love yourself enough to let the other person know that you are not happy.
Love yourself enough to discontinue pretending.
Love yourself enough to care more about the person than care about the money, image, status, and stuff.
Don’t continue to be where your heart isn’t. Don’t try to straddle two people because you are stuck in fear. Don’t treat women like placeholders.
You know what? I was never worth it to you.
I am not your person.
It’s obvious, I can give, give and give… but deep down, it’s obvious: I can’t give you what you want.
For the most part, I am too much — you can’t handle what I have to offer. Know what I have to say? Then go find less. Be with someone less. That someone “less” is NOT ME.
I loved you, I still do. I can’t cancel you from my heart. But love is not enough.
You say you aren’t happy… you say you have grown, but yet you are still there. Both of you are too deeply entrenched in image, status, and money to admit that what you have isn’t really, truly love. If it was love, you wouldn’t be distracted.
You were looking for another heart rope to hold onto.
If you truly were unhappy you would leave. But you won’t… because you have “stuff”, and you don’t want to lose the materialistic life you have.
It’s comfortable.
You were mesmerized by her when you rekindled things after high school… she makes you look good and you make her look good. It’s a perfect match. You are one of millions of Americans, men, who can’t handle the challenges of being alone. A lot of men are that way. They need someone taking care of them because they can’t handle taking care of themselves.
You said to me… “I’ve been waiting for you all this time.” You haven’t — if you truly, deeply felt the way you said then you would not be able to play two people. But you did, because both of us were placeholders. You didn’t want to leave her in fear that I didn’t work out for you, so you kept her as a placeholder, but had me on the burner too. But you also don’t want to be alone.
You can’t deal with being by yourself. You have to have that +1… it might be toxic, perhaps you can’t stand her, but it’s better to be with someone toxic than be by yourself.
After all, if you left, your kids and your friends will look at you sideways for leaving someone who’s gorgeous and has money.
Besides, nobody wants someone with many kids. To leave her for me is a downgrade, and you don’t want the repercussions of having to explain to people why you left.
So you hold both of us as a placeholder.
Let me tell you something: It’s not loving to make someone your placeholder.
It’s selfish. It shows a lack of character, it shows insecurity.
I was in a toxic marriage for 18 years, I was financially bound. At some point, my own personal happiness became more important than image, status, money, and materialistic items. I didn’t care about what others thought. I also did not care about being alone.
In fact, I’d rather be penniless and single than sharing my life with someone toxic, who can’t love me the way I deserve to be loved.
Someone is going to make the first move. YES, it’s going to be me. I’m not dependent on anyone else for my happiness, success and future. I love myself enough to know that you will never leave that place you are in.
I refuse to be someone’s placeholder.
And I refuse to make someone a placeholder in my life.
I can’t give anyone pieces of my presence, pouring my resources, pouring my energy into someone who can’t communicate, and is unable to reciprocate the love I have to give.
Leave a Reply