You really are a safe space for me.
And I hope that, amidst the frustration of the overwhelm of feelings and situation, that I can be somewhat of a safe space for you.
When you are together with someone who makes you feel like you’re in a safe space, your nervous system feels regulated – that regulated system brings a sense of peace and calm, as well as relaxation. When you are working or living, or living life from a place of a stabilized nervous system, the more easily you can show up for your purpose – yourself, your friends, your family.
Being in that safe space, you feel love.
But if you aren’t operating from a place of feeling safe, and relaxed, then your nervous system isn’t regulated. It’s hard for us, at times, to stabilize our nervous system – we try, though methods like drinking, prescriptions, smoking, sugar, drinks like soda, coffee, energy drinks, what not.
The most important thing…
I have learned on this journey of love, is that when we are able to show empathy, understanding and compassion, we take the pressure off the other person who feels like they have to respond. Instead of responding or reacting from a place of flight or fight, or other ways our reactive system chooses to respond, our nervous system responds from a place of safety and security.
This can help provide the emotional stability that the other twin needs – instead of feeding our twin guilt or shame, or try to get them to carry our emotions around about their inconsistencies, we can witness from a place of non-judgement. When we show up from a place of being a safe space, we are clothing them in a layer of unconditional love.
Dysregulation starts in childhood
In this dynamic, this chaotic inconsistency is likely the result of one or both coming from a background or childhood upbringing where stability and consistency was not present. There may have been high levels of chaos, conflict or trauma – as a result, one or both did not develop a sense of unconditional love or learn how to trust a stable, safe, consistent figure.
The masculine, as a result, never learned to regulate, and stay steady or consistent, and instead, is in a constant state of overthinking and stress as they recreate these patterns in every, single, relationship – because that is all they have ever known. They never shown consistency and trust from the people who were meant to love them the most – as a result, the masculine struggles to create their own sense of trust and stability.
It’s very easy to move back into the old patterns of behavior especially if you are surrounded by old habits, and triggers. The masculine can trigger themselves through stress or pressure of their job. Some may be in a trauma bonded relationship that was not chosen from a place of being fully conscious – in which you didn’t realize until your twin came into your life and cracked that life open.
It feels so unfamiliar for the masculine to be trustworthy simply because they haven’t cultivated that feeling of trust and reliability for themselves yet – and every time they are away from the feminine they are triggered out of this place of safety and trust and stability and instead find themselves falling into old habits and behaviors because of their environment and circumstances.
It is difficult to create an internal place of peace and stability within ourselves if our environment is continually draining. Think of it like a plant…
If a plant isn’t flourishing, you don’t change the plant.
You change the environment the plant is in.
To change the plant, you actually just need to pick up the plant and put it in the sunshine.
Society has taught us that we need to fix ourselves
So we become very critical and self loathing, we are told to look at the faults within. Understandably, we are created in God’s image, as we are – while we aren’t perfect, it’s essential for us to break free of the old paradigm and move forward in ways that help us develop new pathways that are associated with trust, reliability, and stability for ourselves.
Sometimes, until we meet our twin, we continue to follow the same patterns of our childhood wounding so we choose people who match the personality of our parents: dramatic, chaotic, those who are easily offended, perhaps people who love to argue in front of others, or those who like control based patterns of behavior.
These kind of relationships are what have kept one or both twins from creating healthy, trust-based behaviors for themselves. Instead, one or both are following the same old pathways and re-imprinting the same patterns of inconsistencies.
When twin flames connect, when they meet, your central nervous system starts to calm down and [finally] recognize that place of safety and trust within each other. It really is the body’s way of saying “You don’t have to life life this way!”
Trust what feels good
Trust your heart space
Trust the energy that you have together when you are together..
Trust the time and space you have when you are around each other..
By trusting the body, you are rewiring yourself for peace, trust, stability, consistency, presence – all the things that we have been craving probably since childhood. It is meant for you! You are not meant to be running on a half-empty tank.
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