Choose You

Why should you choose you? Because he never will.

What do a good guy and a bad guy have in common? Neither of them want a toxic woman.

A narcissistic person is going to pursue you because you are a GOOD woman.

He wants a woman that chooses him before she chooses herself!

Good and bad men alike both want a good catch. In the beginning, good guys and bad guys both look the same – that’s the sad, yet honest part.

You won’t know if that person is being truthful, or gaslighting you.

You won’t know if that person wants to know who you are, or if they’re trying to use their past to manipulate you.

You won’t know if they’re gassing you up, or love-bombing you.

There are plenty of people in this world who will love you…

they’ll love the fact that you cry, wipe those tears and get over it (even if they caused them)

they’ll love that you don’t question them

they’ll love that you are optimistic, empathic, and always see the best in them

they’ll love the fact that you put them before yourself

Just because that man loves you, does not mean he loves you for your positive qualities. A toxic person doesn’t care about you feel, what you want or what you deserve. They care about what you can do for them and them alone.

This person is not with you because you love yourself. This person is with you because you love them.

They are not with you because you are protecting your peace. They are with you because you are not disturbing theirs.

They are not with you because you are seeking out your future and purpose. They are with you because you made your future and purpose all about them.

This person does not love you!

They love what you can do for them. They are not “with you” for your positive qualities. A toxic person is always willing to trade your happiness for their happiness.

This person does not care if they make you seem like you’re crazy. Instead of being honest, they’ll have you doubting your sanity. They’ll gaslight you. They thrive on your co-dependent nature.

You’ll grow a lot farther away from the relationships you used to have – whether that be family or friends. The things you used to love, you don’t do them like you used to.

When you look up in this relationship, every moment that you get that’s free outside of work is occupied with him or her.

They want you to give up their independence super quick. They want you to rely on them.

• “Quit your job, just let me work and you stay home.”
• “You don’t need them. … you have me.”
• “You don’t need to go running, you don’t need to workout. You shouldn’t be going to the gym.”
• “You don’t need to go get your hair cut… spend that time on yourself.”
• “I can’t believe you’re going back to school… you should be spending that time taking care of your kids, taking care of me, etc.”

They know that the more you depend on them, the more power they have on you. They thrive on power, and control.

If you are desperate for love…

If you are desperate to be a people-pleaser…

If you are eager to see the best in every person despite the truth of the worst you see right in your face…

If you are someone who puts more stock into hope in lieu of reality….

Then you are a narcissists dream girl.

Isn’t it funny, that initially, this guy wants to meet “in the middle”. But once you profess your love, suddenly he’s not down for meeting you halfway. From that point forward, it’s always one-sided.

And because you don’t like to start conflict, you agree to agree – and there’s no give and take. There’s just giving from your end.

A narcissist will get close to you by disguising himself as a trustworthy person.

He’ll get you to feel pity for him – he’ll begin by telling his story of childhood trauma, of family drama… and our fixer mentality immediately wants to step in. It’s almost like this person knows exactly what to say to trigger this nurturing spirit.

This person wants to bond over trauma.

He’s not being vulnerable.

He’s being manipulative.

If you don’t change how you view what love is and is supposed to be, you’ll always be susceptible to people using you inside of a relationship so they can step on your heart to get closer and farther to their personal piece.

You are no token in someone else’s game.

Only YOU can stick up for yourself and say that.

Into You or Using You?

A person that is intentional about their intentions. This person knows they are truly authentic will not want to rush. A person who is trying to rush you into making decisions or pushing that relationship on fast forward wants you to fall in love with them before you know who they truly are.

Stop making excuses for people. You can’t fix a broken person. Hurt people hurt people. 

Be realistic about your relationship.

Is that person there because they love you? Because if they were, they would not be hurting you the way they are.

If they loved you, they wouldn’t ignore you.

If they loved you, they wouldn’t make excuses, they’d make progress.

If they loved you, things would improve.

If they loved you, they’d share responsibility for the downfalls of the relationship.

If they loved you, they wouldn’t ghost you.

If they loved you, they wouldn’t cheat on you.

You love yourself enough to workout, go to work, take care of you – then why don’t you love yourself enough to leave HIM?

Choose yourself.  Because he never will.