Twin Flame – Page 2

Gift of Love

Valentine Day … it’s just a few days away. Every store is lined with flowers, chocolates, teddy bears and gifts for lovers to share.

But… in all honesty, every day should be a day to remember to value love and extend love to others, after all, love is one of the most powerful forces in life.

Unfortunately, in the process of a busy lifestyle, some of us may have buried love deep in our being. As a result, we need a commercialized day on the calendar to remind us to celebrate “love” officially once each year.

God has created us to have the gift of love. However, there are people who have never truly loved or loved enough. Some may have even consciously sabotaged themselves from loving and living a full life.

To the average person, Valentine’s Day is the day to make dinner reservations, go to a resort/cabin, and spend the weekend doing “couples” things together. Then, in true fashion, posting those pictures on social media – proclaiming your love for one another.

I can’t look at Valentine’s Day the way most do – in fact, it’s just like any other day for me. Because I want to show my love constantly – not just proclaim it on the commercialized day we call Valentine’s Day.

Instead, I think to myself: how can I make ONE day special for such an amazing person? I’ve been trying to make every day special for them. Being with them is special to me and even those dark chocolates I love so much mean nothing in comparison to this person. He is EVERYTHING.

And he makes every day feel special.

So while others need to fill one day with special, I want to fill every day with special hugs, kisses, smiles, spontaneous dinners out and small gestures to show him that he means the entire world to me.

Because, to me, the right person makes every day feel like Valentine’s Day.

Categories: Relationships, Twin Flame

A Mediocre Love

All of us crave genuine love and affection at some point in time or other. We were created with a need to love and be loved. And as the years go by and break from childhood into the days of being an adult, the potential of spending your life with someone can be exciting.

This world is cruel – too cruel, to be honest. Just think about it – people constantly life to each other. They manipulate others, hurt others, end their lives, disappoint others, steal the hopes of others, and even go so far as to take others for granted. Everywhere you look, everywhere you turn, there’s sorrow, dishonesty, bias, greed and pride.

The only thing we rely on is love – and the only thing that saves us from this mess we live in is pure, unconditional love. But in our search for that love, sometimes we settle for mediocrity.

Real love cannot be mediocre.

I don’t want a mediocre love.

I want a love that is out of this world.

I want someone who is thrilled at the thought of spending his life with me. I want someone who takes the time to see me. I want someone who knows with 100% certainty that I am the ONLY person for them.

I want someone who accepts who I am as an individual and falls for my flaws, embraces my weaknesses, and inspires me on every level.

Over 20 years ago, I settled for someone who wasn’t the right one.

When you settle for someone who isn’t the right person for you, you settle for a toxic relationship that will continually leave you feeling an absence of love. In other words, you will never feel truly loved.

Sadly enough, it’s easier to settle for that mediocre love. In most cases, we settle because we’ve gotten comfortable, and it’s just easier to stay than to leave the person you have spent the last few years with.

Why settle for mediocre?

One day, it changed. Instead of settling, and dealing with the monotonous day to day with this person, I decided I wasn’t willing to settle. I wasn’t willing to put up with mediocrity – and it was scary.

I refuse to be in a marriage that makes me anything less than fulfilled, happy, and content. I’m not content with mediocrity – and I definitely don’t want a mediocre love.

Settling for a mediocre love holds you back, not just from the perspective of happiness and fulfillment, but it holds you back from growing as an individual. Affection and dedication should come naturally in a relationship, not feel forced. You shouldn’t have to tell someone you need their time and kindness. You shouldn’t settle for someone who only belittles you and exploits you to feed their ego.

You shouldn’t settle for someone who forces you to walk on eggshells.

Most of all, you shouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t light your soul on fire.

I want someone who isn’t afraid to show me their vulnerabilities.

I want someone who radiates love and makes me feel peaceful, and unbelievably happy.

I want someone who loves me from the bottom of their heart.

I want someone who feels lucky to have found me in a world like this because I certainly feel lucky to have found them in a world like this.

Life is too short and it moves too fast to settle for anything mediocre.

I want a love that fills my entire soul with light.

Most of all, I want someone who sets my soul on fire.

Categories: Twin Flame

You Saved Me

And for that, I am and forever will be thankful for you.

You may not ever see this. But I want to write this anyways.

I am so thankful for you. That one late evening when I laid in my kids room, scrolling through Instagram and found you. You were holding a half of a gallon of milk. I remember that day like it was yesterday, yet it seems years ago.

It was that moment that I was drawn to you.

Little did I know that eventually, late one night, you’d respond to my IG story – I remember vividly … it was lightning. And I loved sitting on the desolate, desert road on State Trust land to watch the storms. It was my only exit from the house and the only thing that kept me from sinking into a very dark place.

I was elated to talk to you. I could have chatted with you all night.

That moment, I felt like I had met my counterpart in male form. Everything resonated with me. I was fascinated by you…I wanted to talk to you all day long…but you were several hours away. Every time I heard your voice, I was elated. I still feel that way today.

The moment that you messaged me changed my entire life. The trajectory of everything going forward would never be the same. Your wit, your personality, your humor…. your skill, your brain – everything, made such an impact on me. I felt as if everything changed for me at that moment. I was dying – physically dying, and spiritually dying. There’s no way that things would align the same way now to make that same opportunity arise.

Where I was at the time was killing me. I was dead inside – I felt suffocated and trapped, and I had no idea how to exit. It was taking a toll on me mentally, and physically. Inside, I was spiritually dying. Every day that passed I was moving farther into spiritual death.

You saved me.

You gave me hope. Your nuggets of positivity I held to… and it was those tiny nuggets that helped me reach the next day. I would wake up and look at the sky to the east, thinking about where I was. Where I wanted to be. And I knew, getting out of where I was could very well be the end of me and everything I had worked for. I was scared… terrified honestly, terrified of failure. I was fearful I’d lose everything. I was scared I was going to lose myself.

But you saved me.

You don’t know the impact you have on someone’s life sometimes… and even when they share that inspiration you exert you may still not believe it. But you did – you had such a huge impact on my life in more ways than you will ever understand. I felt like I had chains shackling me down… I was so far down the hole I didn’t ever think I would get out. I was married to someone who constantly belittled me and everyone else around him. I was never supported, recognized or respected. At first, I chalked it up to being just what “men do”.

But I knew I was wrong.

When I saw you picking asters for your partner I was jealous. I was also sad — sad to see that there were people that existed that actually did things of joy for their partner. I wanted someone to do that for me. You spent time with your partner — concerts, trips… dressing up for Halloween. I have never known such a thing.

So it made me question where I was. Why didn’t anyone do that for me? Why wasn’t I “enough”? I wanted someone to do those things for me, to make me feel special… to make me a priority in their life. It was the opposite. I knew I’d never have that opportunity and it made me sad.

You saved me.

You may have been overwhelmed often; you left, frequently, for long periods of time. You went on fun family trips to Florida… to Disney, and it was painful. It was painful to see you share your time with others. I walled up my emotions and tried to push through but I couldn’t. I liked you far too much. If I didn’t like you, it wouldn’t have hurt to see you enjoying time with others.

Those little nuggets of inspiration you gave me gave me enough courage to file for divorce. I felt a vibrational mismatch, and before long, I felt an immediate need to leave my current relationship.

God knew that I would either continue to reject him or end up dead – if not physically and psychologically, then spiritually. I had, for years, made attempts to salvage what society regards as a lifelong institution (marriage). But deep down in my heart, our lives and values were vastly different. I knew, then, that I was unable to truly love and accept myself. In the final years of my marriage, the pull to find the real me was incredibly strong – such is the conflict and turmoil that I was dealing with on a daily basis.

I was in a marriage that was a low vibrational match. I didn’t wake up with a feeling of renewed purpose, nor was I inspired by the very person that inhabited a home with me. His lack of respect, and his repeated affairs were a deliberate attempt to destroy my inner self confidence. It’s very challenging to describe – but it’s a stifling, suffocating feeling.

You saved me.

Taking that leap of faith was a challenging one. For almost 20 years, I was financially reliant on someone else. I had children. I owned property. I had a business. I was scared of losing everything I worked so hard for. Even more, I was fearful of losing my children to someone that I knew would make a point of destroying my life just to get satisfaction from seeing me struggle. We were in a time of COVID – my ad revenue from my writing had tanked due to the economy. I had no family locally, nor did I have family in general.

I had nothing.

You saved me.

You may not realize this, but your energy gave me daily inspiration to push forward and take that leap of faith. No, I didn’t know how I was going to raise 5 kids on my own meager income. I did not know how I was going to afford to pay rent in a high cost of living city. Nor did I know how my business was going to continue – especially in this economy, with the challenges of community property divorce laws. I did not want to lose what I worked so hard to earn. But I did.

I lost everything… the only thing I kept was my business name. The financials were gone
I lost all of my children’s college funds …. I was the only one who contributed to them since their birth. Eighty thousand ($80,000) in college education – gone
I lost my savings
I lost all of the vehicles I had bought over the years with my hard earned savings as well…. I didn’t believe in car payments, so I worked hard to pack away cash to buy vehicles. Now, they were no longer mine.
I went through what I thought was the most emotionally and physically desctructive two years of a divorce, almost all of it in the same home together
He left one of our children on the roof of the house and left … leaving him with no way to get down
He lost his temper and destroyed my backyard with an axe – a 20×8 retaining wall, concrete planters, and six raised beds full of beautiful Swiss chard, garlic, tomatoes, cucumbers, and more
He threatened the children and hit them repeatedly with the belt, putting holes in the wall of our home, breaking doors down when they tried to hide from him
I watched my children lock their bedroom and cut through the screens on their windows of their front house bedroom just to race down the street and hide in the bushes at the park – just to get away from him and his anger outbursts
He removed the starter fuse from my truck in attempts to disable the truck from starting and moving, trapping me in the home for days at a time
He wrapped carpet around the front axle of my truck to prevent the truck from moving and in attempts to lock the axle and destroy the vehicle
Knowing I worked at home full time, and homeschooled children, he asked the cable company to run a second cable line for his job, then walked outside and cut the cable line belonging to the kids and I so as to prevent me from schooling them, and prevent me from earning a living
He stopped paying his share of the household bills, utilities and mortgage – with over $2,000 in bills each month, I was robbing Peter to pay Paul, in efforts to just make it one more month in that house with no financial help
He threatened to take full custody of the children, because I was a “bad mother” who failed to “obey him”.
He put video cameras and audio devices up throughout the house to record every movement made by the kids and I

Looking back, it was horrific — to think that I managed to make it through that two year period. I was so miserable at home, and so fearful, I would wake up each morning, and pack up the kids to get them away from the house. I would drag the kids and all of their homework to the park and spend the entire day somewhere else just to avoid going home. Once home, the only place of safety was my truck – I’d lock myself inside the truck for hours at a time to avoid being ridiculed in the house.

Before the divorce, I was hesitant to leave even though I knew that was the best thing I could have done. I was scared because I didn’t want to lose “stuff”. Obviously, I did not want to lose my kids. But I didn’t want to lose the other “stuff” — the material items that I needed, used, and had paid for. Emotionally, I was far removed. But I was comfortable with the situation so I remained. And in a sense, I was too comfortable to want to lose things that, eventually, did not matter to me at all.

To years later, all the “stuff” I was scared to lose…. I lost. Looking back, it was just that: stuff.

You saved me.

I don’t know how I made it through that period of time. You, were the light in my life for all that time. You gave me the ONLY glimmer of hope in a time of darkness. When nothing else was making sense, you were the only source of positivity.

I don’t know how I managed to forge my way through. I was Christian, but not attending church. My faith was far from what it should have been. You and you alone encouraged me to draw closer to God. Because I drew closer to him, my children followed suit. After much prayer, they all started to become more involved in our church.

It was a contentious custody battle, over $125,000 spent (money I did not have…) and counting. I kept an online diary each day for several years to recount my experiences. Nothing mattered. Nobody listened, not a single person cared.

I placed the kids in counseling.

I put myself in counseling.

I started family counseling with the kids and I.

I spent over $11,000 in counseling alone that first year following my divorce. I worked hard to re-establish my business. I got into a rental despite the cost of living and home prices. I am far, far from where I want to be. But two years later, I am still here.

Money has been tight. But I haven’t missed a rent payment.

Money has been tight. But I’m grateful for the food bank.

My bank account is in the positive. It’s not where I want it to be, but it’s slowly getting there.

I’m thankful for community resources to help people, like me, that struggle on a daily basis.

I don’t have the ability to have the life and stuff that most others have. But I have what I need – my kids, my mobility, and the capacity to love immensely. I have the ability to drive just over two miles every morning to a mountain that’s free to climb – so I can meditate, and pray about the things I am grateful for.

You have inspired me to work harder. I have started new businesses, made new products, found more avenues for revenue. You helped me do that.

Most of all, you saved me. You saved me from what was an emotionally destructive marriage… I was losing myself, I was spiritually dead, and I was (in a large sense), dependent on someone else. That loyalty and co-dependency was leading to my death.

And YOU saved me.

I never in a million years thought I could do anything on my own accord/merit. I am raising 5 kids as a single parent, with an ex-spouse who does not reliably pay support, nor does he reliably pay medical, dental, or other. I am homeschooling 5 kids and taking care of that expense without any help. I run 5 businesses on Etsy, 1 small business off Etsy, and 4 blogs. I am always tired… I have high expectations of myself, but I am here.

I have my mobility.

I have the ability to love my children on a massive scale. And in return, my kids feel loved and cared for beyond their wildest dreams. We have made memories – many of them with you, that we will never forget.

Most of all, I have these feelings for you that will never, ever change. I love you, more than you will ever know. I respect you, so incredibly much. I feel sad when you are sad. I am in pain to see you live your life with others. But I need to learn to accept that the love I have for you may not be something you feel back.

Nonetheless, it doesn’t take away the fact that you saved me, and in turn, five others. The greatest gift you can give someone is the gift of time; combined with love, respect, and encouragement, you have given me (and still do) inspiration that I have never had in my life.

Nobody has ever done for me what you have done. Nobody has ever made me feel the way you have. Nobody ever will.

Meeting a real, true love causes ultimate upheaval in every area of our lives. It’s not like any normal relationship – it is an entirely different experience that words cannot accurately describe. The awakening we experience causes our vibration and energy to jump – we are now accurately aware of the suppression we were under for the years prior.

You will always be part of my life, even though you choose to spend your life with someone else.

God places people in our lives to help draw us closer to Him and grow in faith, which will in turn help us grow into a better version of ourselves. God knows what we need. He wants us to draw closer to him, so he orchestrates encounters to help us do that.

You are that encounter.

You could melt my heart with just one look. You could make even the worst days better with your voice. Just being next to you made my heart race. Just a simple touch of your hand calmed me down – even your natural sent was inspiring. You share with me many of the same core values, worries, fears, ideals, and sense of humor.

When you communicated with me, no matter what I said, you seemed to understand without me even having to explain. It felt like you were on the same page with me more times than not. Before meeting you in person, without even having seen you or knowing the details of your life, I felt an immediate, undeniable, strong attraction. I felt like I had known you forever. I instinctively trusted you. The love I feel for you transcends everything. Just interacting with you made me get the most beautiful of butterflies again, and again. 🦋🦋🦋🦋

You…

Are my sweetest fantasy. The person I want and find myself daydreaming about all day. When I met you in person to experience you, everything else was irrelevant in the big scheme of things. No matter the circumstances or obstacles surrounding you, or me, you always made me feel safe and at home.

There aren’t enough words to capture just how crazy I feel about you. Nothing, and nobody has ever in my life had that effect on me – nobody will ever make me feel the way you make me feel.

I will forever be grateful for your influence in my life. In the lives of my children. I will always love you, that will not change.

Categories: Twin Flame

Clarity in Confusion

From the moment I met you, I felt a sense of comfort and security in my life. You affected me – emotionally, physically, mentally – it is overwhelming.

It still is. Even in silence, and despite being miles away, you still bring meaning to every single day in my life.

You helped me grow in my faith. And as a result, I started to see things from a different perspective. I sought a deeper integrity within myself.

Every day I wake up with a renewed hope, uplifted spirit, and inspiration for life – and it’s due in part largely to having you in the back of my mind as the day progresses.

The love I feel for you is more than intense. It’s also painful. Such an intense love towards someone who may never be mine makes me question, in all honesty, what true integrity really is. Why pursue it, especially if it’s bound to cause so much pain to ourselves and others.

In reality, we should seek to align with is something that fills us with LOVE, even if it seems elusive and unattainable.

Or shall we settle – with a life that is passable, and comes with the benefit of security, partnership, yet leaves us feeling mediocre in terms of spiritual growth and emotional fulfillment.

Meeting you, as amazing as it was, often led me to a state of impossibility – the changes required seem, at times, almost unattainable. You are…. committed. And more than likely, you are not willing or eager to break that commitment purely for the sake of someone who loves you so hard. Instead of pursuing the call to become who you are meant to be (which would likely include pursuing this experience), you return to a life, a relationship, that is lacking in love – no matter how codependent that relationship may seem to be.

It’s challenging for me – because it makes me question whether the emotions and love that I feel are even felt the same way back. At one point, it was easy to place my hope on you to leave your current situation. Perhaps you are not holding onto it out of integrity but out of a duty to care-take, or perhaps out of guilt. Perhaps you are holding onto it because it would be a shame to throw away the years spent, thus far, together.

We work tirelessly

Living a life of integrity often time means we live our lives trying to be “good” – striving for what the outside world tells us we should be.

We work tirelessly to please those around us at the expense of our own values and feelings. Instead, we should strive to find out who we are from the inside, and from there, work our way out.

The connection I had with you stirred up so many issues in my life. At the beginning, it was impossible to keep my feelings going, it kept me in limbo – knowing where my energy truly lay, I was deceiving myself by remaining in limbo where I was and had been, for many long years.

It was almost impossible to be where I was – a miserable relationship, and have to try to block the energy that was very well nourishing and inspiring me to be more, give more of myself to humanity, and to God himself.

Leaving where I was

For me personally, I felt an immediate need to leave my current relationship. My marriage had been a mess for a significant number of years – lacking in love, void of respect, and very much a marriage of complacency. My marriage had been falling apart and I had put my failing marriage ahead of my faith and my relationship with God.

It was then, that I realized that I needed to pursue the truth of my heart, regardless of the impact on my marriage.

I, in good faith, could not remain where I was knowing that my heart was with someone else.

Everything about my separation seemed so difficult. I had no idea where to start, and I was fearful of my ability to forge my own path. I started making self-loving decisions and over time, I was able to heed my own internal guidance.

I found myself speaking my mind, and not holding back what I really needed to say – in turn, I became more empowered – as much as It created conflict. I could not stand being in the same room as my husband – his low vibration was suffocating me, draining me slowly each day.

One day, I simply told my husband my desire to separate. For the first time in 18 years, I felt very peaceful and confident about my decision.

In the weeks that followed, his demeanor was that of vengeance, aggression, violence and spiteful, hateful words. Despite his reaction, I knew I had to take these steps for myself, regardless of what would follow in the months to come.

Over the next few months, the situation at home became terrifying – I practiced patience, as well as the ability to wall off frustration. God gave me the courage to wake up every day and focus on my children, and over time, he made it very clear that not only was the decision to end my marriage the right path, it was part of something much bigger that he had planned for me.

The soul does not make mistakes. It knows the path it wants to follow.

No longer can you align with where you once were. Staying in the old relationship seems far fetched. Every second that goes by, you feel a pressure to follow a greater calling, a bigger energy. Some may leave their current situation, because to stay in their lifeless, soul crushing relationship becomes more of an impossibility with each passing day. But others may find themselves drawn back to their suffocating relationship – not because they don’t love their twin, but because they feel disappointed that they hurt their partner and surrounding family members. Our suffocating relationship may not meet our emotional needs, and we may not be happy, but we are comfortable, and protected as we try to do what society regards as the “right thing” – remaining with the person we took a vow to stay with for the rest of our life.

This is an old pattern of energy, and is essentially a form of resistance to change. A resistance to our own personal growth. Upon our return and newfound commitment to our partner, the marriage may seem to improve – things may start to flow in ways it never did before, not because our spouse changed but because our perception changed – which, in turn, affected the entire dynamic. Things may never be what they once were, but they’re safe and comfortable – it doesn’t require us to be completely vulnerable, nor does it require us to face our fears and commit parts of ourselves to our personal growth and transformation.

It’s what is easy

While it might be easy, it’s not where our soul wants to remain. We find ourselves thinking about our twin – where they might be, who they might be with, and how we ended up in this predicament. They are still heavy in our heart – we joy to hear their voice and crave for their touch. Their energy is what we need to quench our frustrations and help us heal. We may even feel their pain, sleeplessness, and frustrations.

If you are me, you may even find the most torturous of pain in your heart when you see them giving themselves to someone else. The impact of those emotions and feelings is challenging to describe – it also cannot be ignored, and the connection with this person cannot simply just be “cut off” or undone.

It becomes more challenging over time

For some, they will realize that this special person will always be part of their life, no matter how much they try to push down the feelings and deny the connection.

These people will always try to find a way to include this beloved person in their day to day life – cards, care packages, pictures, letters.. The other person may continue to deny the connection out of fear, uncertainty, and confusion. They may not have plans to leave their current situation because it doesn’t feel right – or perhaps because they have a house and children to consider in the equation.

This person may suppress their feelings out of guilt, and responsibility to their spouse. Deep down, they want to reach out to their love, but they don’t know what to say, and they find themselves frustrated with not being able to communicate the way that they know they need to. They may be afraid to even admit that this connection is what they perceive it to be, and yet they still may feel stuck.

Instead of addressing their feelings head-on, they choose to push them down and stuff them away from others who may not understand. They spend more time away from home — perhaps they throw themselves into work, and religion, or studies to fill their mind space. Sex becomes a struggle, and their body starts to undergo health issues – stomach problems, headaches, back and neck pain – all of which are a reflection of their emotional struggle. Their love occupies the heart space that they refuse to visit, and their creativity leaves with their twin – so now they find themselves trapped in their head space.

Which is a very dangerous place to be. The head space creates scenarios to keep you from moving forward:

you start to believe that your love is better without you
your love may have found someone else to replace you
your love is not thinking about you
you are not worthy of the love that you’ve experienced up until now
you’ll never be with your love because the situation seems to complex to even bring together

You obsess over these scenarios and fill your mind space with things that will make you doubt the connection. But deep down, you know that what you feel is real, pure, love and happiness. You know you should be really honest about ending your relationship with your partner, but you hold yourself back because of your long, shared history (no matter how unhappy or unfulfilling). You feel like you owe it to your partner to make it work.

Perhaps you’ve tried to leave in the past and instead of understanding and kind compassion you received threats and emotional outbursts.

But aside from all of that, you feel disappointment that you have let your love down. So the situation continues – your love so desperately wants you in their live, but due to your circumstances and situation, you run. You haven’t given up on your love. But you are in limbo – you want this love and crave this love so desperately, but you aren’t ready or willing to bust out of the obligations that are holding you back.

A deliberate disconnect

Whether it be one year or many years, at this point, both you and your love understand that each of you will always carry the energy of each other with you throughout your day. Your love is a huge part of who you are.

By disconnecting, albeit deliberately, from that which you feel deep down within your soul, you’re creating a divide within yourself.

You know that your spouse will never be able to return the level of energy and unconditional love that your twin does. It will never be as full of emotion, as deep, as intimate, as spiritual, as God fearing. You are in a dilemma – to continue to remain in a contractual agreement where you are giving yourself away in pieces to a partner in whom your soul doesn’t rest.

Or, to move forward, and take a courageous step – despite your comfortability, your fear, your feelings of confusion, betrayal, loss…. perhaps insecurity, fear of financial inability to survive. It is at this time that you must follow your gut instinct and look to God for guidance and direction. There are never any guarantees in life – making a vow to re-commit to your marriage may not result in an unhappy marriage changing for the better. It is also possible that moving forward with your true love may not equate to a compatible lifelong relationship – it is a choice that both of you must make.

Behind all of this, however, is the reality of real, pure love. We don’t meet people by chance; everyone is meant to cross our path for a reason.

Is your twin the person that is first on your mind when you wake up in the morning? Are they the one you envision waking up next to for the rest of your life? Are they the one with forever in their eyes. It is not a mistake that people who up in your reality.

God places people in our lives to help draw us closer to Him and grow in faith, which will in turn help us grow into a better version of ourselves. Why settle for less? Ask yourself if you really want to deny yourself the opportunity of real, pure love – or if you want to take the safer, more comfortable route of an incompatible marriage that leaves you soul unfulfilled.

So many people remain in unfulfilling relationships due to obligation and fear of the unknown. Personal growth requires sacrifices and action, and it is here that many of us fall short. To “give it all” requires we step out of our comfort zone to follow the path your soul is telling you is to accept the truth of who you are and what you are looking for in your life. It is when this personal growth happens that you feel unable to mix your energy with those who do not love, know and match that very same energy and accept that of which you know you deserve.

To reach new levels of personal growth expands your energy and renews your focus. No longer are you able to take part in

Once you separate yourself from the institution, you’ll start to uncover just how deeply you can love. You’ll learn what love feels like when it shines its light on all the parts of you – including those pieces of you that have been hidden for so long. You may continue to love your twin but your twin may still be caught up in their past, in a situation of lower vibration that, until resolved, cannot be rushed.

Only God knows.

He has a greater plan to you. Look to him for guidance in your daily prayers and ask him to help bring you closer to Him in actions, in daily prayer and in scripture as you work on learning just how deeply you can love.

Once you came into my life, I could not find alignment with the life I once had. Returning to that would be intoxicating – staying in that old, destructive relationship pattern became unbearable. Every second I felt the pull to satisfy the deepest part of my soul. Certainly, I could have stayed…out of fear, comfort, and security. I could have looked at the 18 years and opted to stay purely because not to would have identified those 18 years as wasted time.

But had I stayed, moods, anger and unhappiness would have been the norm. Staying in a toxic relationship causes mental strain and stress that contributes to to anxiety and stress disorders. And stress can affect your long term health and even your life span.

Categories: Twin Flame

To Love Someone

Looking back, I was much too young when I got married.

I was also very naive. Growing up as a child in a home with a mother who had patterns of borderline personality disorder and a father who was a convert narcissist, I never quite experienced love.

In all of my 18 years of childhood, I cannot recall a single instance where my parents showed any type of love or affection. No words were ever exchanged that could have been construed as love or affection. It was a very different childhood – a mix of happy moments, certainly. But more times than not, an experience that I had no desire to repeat when I became an adult myself.

My grandpa passed away from Cancer the year before I was born. My grandmother got remarried to a fellow Brit, who adored her and I knew, even as a child, that they were very much happy and in love. I often times visited them at their home, just a short distance from my childhood home, and made observations on their actions between each other in comparison to the actions between my parents.

I’m fairly certain my brothers did the same; however, all these years later, we’ve never really spoken much about it because we have drifted apart.

I never really felt loved as a child. As the oldest, I often felt like I never quite lived up to the expectations my parents had of me. I lived my junior and high school years focused on academics, with very little room for activities with friends. I was quite lonely, growing up – but filled that gap with work and school in efforts to keep my head above water – it seemed to work.

Little did I realize…

I had no idea, however, that I’d marry a man who I’d later identify as having the same covert narcissistic tendencies throughout our marriage. I don’t often go back into my diaries, but when I do, I’m reminded just how far I have come – the teasing, the ridiculing, the constant put-downs… I’m not sure how or why I stayed as long as I did. I think I truly was scared that I was “locked in” to what I felt was a suffocating place with no way out. It was a feeling of hopelessness.

Several years later…

It wasn’t until I trudged through a two year contentious divorce and custody battle did I really, truly see where I once was, and what I was up against. Now, several years later, I am in such a better place. While the drudgery continues due to children, I no longer have to wake up to being shamed or made to feel like I am less than anyone.

But the reality is still there – I never loved him the way that a wife should love a spouse. Nor did he love me – and this is where I spent 18 years of my life. I can say with confidence that my love for my children is off the charts – however, my definition of love is nothing compared to his definition of love for those same children.

His definition of love is control through money, materialistic items and unlimited video game time, control and manipulation. To him, love is control. There is no other meaning to love. There is absolutely no relationship with them outside of purchasing power. The oldest 2 children have now requested to live with me full time because their need for “deep” love and emotional support cannot be provided by their own father, but is something they feel from their mother.

Loving someone vs Being in Love?

It was several years ago that I met you. Before I even knew what our connection was, I loved you – purely. I wanted you, needed you and craved you in ways that words can never explain. I found myself triggered when you were absent, as I desperately sought validation for the way I felt – I wanted that love to be returned. I guess I could say I put my own needs before yours – it was immature of me, and in retrospect, an immature love.

I should have spent more time trying to understand why you were as overwhelmed as you were; I should have given you more time to spent in self reflection instead of constantly chasing you to come back for my own selfish needs.

Now, over 2 years later, I know what you mean to me. I love you. This love I have for you is a deep love – it’s unwavering. It will never, ever lessen.

It is offered without the need for reciprocation – it will always exist. Infinitely. Unlike before, I have accepted that you may not love me back. I will, however, still love you. You are not required to demonstrate your ability to love me back. Your happiness is at the root of my love for you – even if I am not part of the equation (as hard and painful as it is for me to even say that).

I love you freely and without fear. I love you not for what you can give me but for who you are deep in your soul. I am inspired by you. I carry you in the background of my mind and heart all day long. You are, forever, and always with me. That will never change.

Love… cannot be contingent. It cannot be bought. It cannot depend on something you receive or gain. It’s not selfish, nor is it restrictive – love does not expect. Love does not need. It simply is.

Love just is.

And it is unconditional ❤️

All these years later, I realize that I have never actually loved someone else fully. Until you. What a gift… to be able to love in this capacity.