Twin Flame

Kindness is Undervalued

Too often we value how spicy you are, how attractive, how accomplished you are…

But not many people say “how kind is my partner?”

An unkind person is fine, as long as everything is going right.

But when something is going wrong, when they feel jealous, or insecure, threatened or especially when they feel that they aren’t valued, then watch out…

They will fuck you up.

I know this from personal experience. I was married to someone who thought that his needs, his ego, his wants, his desires far surpassed those around him.

What he wanted was constant attention, admiration, and ego boosts. When I started having children, I saw his demeanor change. Instead of being a role model for his children, he maliciously began to hijack my relationship with them in order to gain the attention of others around him.

Because his needs were more important.

And that trend continued, for years.

You have to be so aware of that! A toxic person is always going to put their needs, their insecurities, their wants, their needs, and their desires ahead of anything else in the relationship. That is a red flag! 🚩🚩🚩

They will be the partner that says:

“I need consistency…”

“I need someone who is going to give me affection…”

“I need someone who pays attention to me…”

“I need affection…”

You’re not giving me that! It’s your fault. You aren’t… you should be, if you don’t…

I’ll get it elsewhere.

See the trend? Your fault. Nowhere there are they providing introspection to look at how their actions are affecting the problems at hand.

I need.

I need…

I need? We ALL need that. Those are basic human needs. What about your partner? Have you ever considered what your partner needs? Chances are, they need the same things too.

And if you aren’t showing up with consistency, or affection, or the ability to communicate, chances are, they aren’t going to show up for you in those areas either.

The truth is…

We ALL need consistency.

We ALL need affection.

We ALL need someone who pays attention to us.

That’s basic human decency! If you are going to make the relationship all about you, then you likely have an unreasonably high sense of your own importance. You are seeking attention and want people to admire you – deep within you are failing to understand or care about the feelings of others.

A relationship should be about compromise

A healthy relationship involves trust, respect, loyalty and open communication between both partners.

Read that again: BOTH people. Two partners. There should be no imbalance of power. Each person contributes to the other partners needs equally. Partners respect each other’s needs, and work together to ensure that those needs are met.

What if one partner makes it all about them?

A relationship where the needs of one outweigh the other, or one partner makes their needs above the needs of others may very well be a sign of emotional manipulation.

Never underestimate the power of kindness as it is the most powerful value.

Mutual caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other’s achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain.

Fred Rogers

Categories: Twin Flame

Creating a Safe Space of Love

You really are a safe space for me.

And I hope that, amidst the frustration of the overwhelm of feelings and situation, that I can be somewhat of a safe space for you.

When you are together with someone who makes you feel like you’re in a safe space, your nervous system feels regulated – that regulated system brings a sense of peace and calm, as well as relaxation. When you are working or living, or living life from a place of a stabilized nervous system, the more easily you can show up for your purpose – yourself, your friends, your family.

Being in that safe space, you feel love.

But if you aren’t operating from a place of feeling safe, and relaxed, then your nervous system isn’t regulated. It’s hard for us, at times, to stabilize our nervous system – we try, though methods like drinking, prescriptions, smoking, sugar, drinks like soda, coffee, energy drinks, what not.

The most important thing…

I have learned on this journey of love, is that when we are able to show empathy, understanding and compassion, we take the pressure off the other person who feels like they have to respond. Instead of responding or reacting from a place of flight or fight, or other ways our reactive system chooses to respond, our nervous system responds from a place of safety and security.

This can help provide the emotional stability that the other twin needs – instead of feeding our twin guilt or shame, or try to get them to carry our emotions around about their inconsistencies, we can witness from a place of non-judgement. When we show up from a place of being a safe space, we are clothing them in a layer of unconditional love.

Dysregulation starts in childhood

In this dynamic, this chaotic inconsistency is likely the result of one or both coming from a background or childhood upbringing where stability and consistency was not present. There may have been high levels of chaos, conflict or trauma – as a result, one or both did not develop a sense of unconditional love or learn how to trust a stable, safe, consistent figure.

The masculine, as a result, never learned to regulate, and stay steady or consistent, and instead, is in a constant state of overthinking and stress as they recreate these patterns in every, single, relationship – because that is all they have ever known. They never shown consistency and trust from the people who were meant to love them the most – as a result, the masculine struggles to create their own sense of trust and stability.

It’s very easy to move back into the old patterns of behavior especially if you are surrounded by old habits, and triggers. The masculine can trigger themselves through stress or pressure of their job. Some may be in a trauma bonded relationship that was not chosen from a place of being fully conscious – in which you didn’t realize until your twin came into your life and cracked that life open.

It feels so unfamiliar for the masculine to be trustworthy simply because they haven’t cultivated that feeling of trust and reliability for themselves yet – and every time they are away from the feminine they are triggered out of this place of safety and trust and stability and instead find themselves falling into old habits and behaviors because of their environment and circumstances.

It is difficult to create an internal place of peace and stability within ourselves if our environment is continually draining. Think of it like a plant…

If a plant isn’t flourishing, you don’t change the plant.

You change the environment the plant is in.

To change the plant, you actually just need to pick up the plant and put it in the sunshine.

Society has taught us that we need to fix ourselves

So we become very critical and self loathing, we are told to look at the faults within. Understandably, we are created in God’s image, as we are – while we aren’t perfect, it’s essential for us to break free of the old paradigm and move forward in ways that help us develop new pathways that are associated with trust, reliability, and stability for ourselves.

Sometimes, until we meet our twin, we continue to follow the same patterns of our childhood wounding so we choose people who match the personality of our parents: dramatic, chaotic, those who are easily offended, perhaps people who love to argue in front of others, or those who like control based patterns of behavior.

These kind of relationships are what have kept one or both twins from creating healthy, trust-based behaviors for themselves. Instead, one or both are following the same old pathways and re-imprinting the same patterns of inconsistencies.

When twin flames connect, when they meet, your central nervous system starts to calm down and [finally] recognize that place of safety and trust within each other. It really is the body’s way of saying “You don’t have to life life this way!”

Trust what feels good

Trust your heart space

Trust the energy that you have together when you are together..

Trust the time and space you have when you are around each other..

By trusting the body, you are rewiring yourself for peace, trust, stability, consistency, presence – all the things that we have been craving probably since childhood. It is meant for you! You are not meant to be running on a half-empty tank.

Categories: Twin Flame

What a Beautiful Soul you Are

When you showed up in my life, I saw the best in you.

All this time later, I still see the most incredible version of you. Being around you, I’m in this beautiful energy where I literally think you are the most amazing thing on this Earth – because you are!

I see all the incredible things you are..

I see what a beautiful person you are..

I see what a beautiful SOUL you are..

There is nothing else and there is no-one else.

There is no doubt I feel a tremendous amount of pain when I am not around you, even more when I see you in your own life with others. How can I not? You demolished the fortress of walls I had put up around myself for years – in you I saw myself. I might hurt deeply to see you with others, I convince myself I am and was nothing but regardless, I still love you and see someone who is incredibly smart, humorous, passionate and driven, and most of all, full of love.

But I also see someone who has been hurt and someone who has been through massive amounts of emotional turmoil.

Deep within, I think you struggle to accept a certain amount of positivity – because you think “if this person only knew the real me… maybe they wouldn’t like it”. WRONG! I do see the real you.

Perhaps you are weighed down in every single way and you have created this reality about yourself that you believe to be true – you carry heavy burdens of not being enough, or living enough, or that you aren’t fulfilling your purpose. Maybe you are accustomed to thinking that you weren’t good enough for your parents [because that’s what your parents taught you], and thus, you stay stuck in this particular container with these beliefs about yourself that manifest your reality.

And you live in that container every day.

Everyone does this. We are all a physical representation of what we believe to be true based on what experiences we have had. Deep within, I think your gut tells you that you are here for something much greater, and you are capable of much greater things.

But God knows that you are enough.

“That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”
Romans 8:28

Categories: Relationships, Twin Flame

Vibrating on the Right Frequency

Hiking and being outdoors has been something that I have enjoyed doing for years – for as long as I can remember, I enjoyed being outside, under the open sky, putting one foot in front of the other.

But… I fell off the bandwagon along the way. Looking back now, it was clear that I spent a good majority of my time trying to please others, and leaving myself on the wayside. I failed to recognize what I needed to do to align with my own energy.

Almost four years later, I’ve lost a significant amount of weight and for the first time in years, I feel as if my health is progressing in a forward motion – not stuck or stagnant from lack of diligence. I’m thinking about the journey over the last four years and the significant events that have unfolded over time that have led me to where I am today.

Vibrating on the Right Frequency?

“Perhaps your body is finally vibrating at the right frequency?” is a line I heard from my therapist – which was so powerful for me. I went home and really sat to think bout it, and look at what that meant.

Within my marriage, I was not overweight – but I was definitely curvy, and in no way was I taking care of myself in a way that felt good to me. I wasn’t moving in a way that helped me “connect” to myself, if anything, any moving I was doing was a way to escape my reality.

When I left that marriage behind, I left that version of me behind – I literally shed that dead weight (literally!) and old version of me that no longer needed to exist – so as the same when we meet our twin flame.

Meeting someone that is unique, special and that we feel an immediate connection with (our Twin) is a catalyst for us to realize the truth of who we really are – but when we are stuck in society’s way of thinking/societal programming, it teaches us to be unhappy, to be disconnected. We fill our days with work that we may not love, with stuff that never truly results in happiness, with societal expectations we see on social media – it’s all ego-based fulfillment.

Not everyone that enters our life or is in our life serves that role of a catalyst or inspiration – in fact, at the age of 39, I had yet to find someone that inspired me at the level that this beautiful man did/does. He really did set my mind and body in motion. I found myself buried in alone time that allowed me to go deep into my thoughts and process – in doing so, I found that being outside, on my own, helped me process those thoughts.

I really crave to seek out nature in my way to reconnect with my body – thankfully hiking, mountain climbing, and trail running were the best avenues to help me do that. I am definitely a high energy person, but I would much rather connect with my inner being in a more holistic and soulful way (as opposed to a disconnected way through the gym, or home gym).

I feel like God has given us the beautiful outdoors as His way to get us to reconnect with His creation – to help us move our bodies, and in doing so, help us reconnect with our inner selves, our own internal energy, to find out who we really are, to enjoy the beauty of His creation.

I can’t imagine where I would be had it not been for the miles of rugged outdoors I have put on my hiking boots. Hiking was a way for me to transmute the pain I had within and redirect that pain and negative energy into something positive that soothed my soul.

Hiking is the best therapy

For years, I buried myself in layers of lies, and toxic beliefs that weighed on me, negative energy and burdens of either not being enough or living in lack or not fulfilling my purpose. By doing what my soul was calling me to do, I felt like I was aligning with the best version of me.

When you align with that version of yourself, the lightest, highest version, everything else falls away – my health improved, my stress levels decreased, my anxiety became more tolerable and I found myself genuinely happy for the first time in years.

The man who came into my life inspired me in almost every area of my life. Coincidental? Definitely not – it takes a very special person to serve as this catalyst.

Categories: Twin Flame

Your Soul Calling

Writing about this is emotional for me because it puts me back in a place of all the feelings and emotions that I was going through 3 years ago when I met this wonderful person… and I was going through this experience.

First thing I want to say is that I am a firm believer in marriage – and this may come as a surprise considering the last few years have been a very challenging time in my life. The perception is that when someone has been married and they come out the other side, particularly if you have been in a marriage for a long time, you may have this negative view of marriage – or, it’s something you would never want to do again.

However, I believe in marriage so very deeply. When and if I remarry, when I do, it will literally be my forever.

Allow me to clarify that when I met this wonderful person, it was not so that I could be with him – however, upon meeting him, I knew what the way I felt about him was unique and unlike nothing I had felt before. I knew it was something very special, and I felt like we were highly connected, but I didn’t know “how” – it’s interesting now, after all these years, because I feel an even deeper love for him than I did at the very beginning, even despite the distance and challenges.

How can you ever move forward in happiness when you’re at war with yourself deep within?

I could not stay married

I could very well have chosen to stay where I was – but then I would have had to wear a mask throughout the day, everyday, for the rest of my life. While that might not sound bad to some, it’s like being torn in two – because the person I truly, loved with all my soul was always in my thoughts, my mind, my dreams, my head.

You can try to convince yourself “I can make this marriage work…” … perhaps you convince yourself that it’s not that bad (your marriage). Your ego tells you that it’s much more comfortable to stay where you are than “jump” to something that you aren’t certain what the outcome will be. Your ego might also convince you that if you leave, that the other person that came into your life may leave and you will be alone.

Or… you fear being alone. And you aren’t someone who can be alone (but being alone is actually necessary to help you self reflect and HEAL – healing can’t be done if you run back into the same toxic situations!)

But… my marriage was NOT working, and that is exactly why God brought this particular person in my life. I was married to a malignant narcissist – and while the red flags were EVERYWHERE for years, I still did not see them. God basically had to toss out a huge roadblock with spikes to get me to see where I was.

Looking back now, I can see why God brought this person in my life.

It wasn’t until I got divorced, and moved with the children to see how much my toxic marriage was affecting my physical, emotional and psychological health. It was bad.

My relationship was destructive – it lacked respect, it was void of love, it was manipulative, psychologically damaging and yet I remained.

Society tells us to make it work, our ego is scared to operate out of fear, so we dismiss our soul pull for what we know as comfort. Even though that comfort is toxic, and isn’t what our body wants to align with – we stay. We tell ourselves that this love we feel for this special person who came into our life is fleeting – that it’s not real; we tell ourselves that we don’t deserve this love, that the love “won’t last”, that we aren’t worthy… The veil, here on Earth, has us stuck between our fear and our ego – we look around at others living the same mundane life and we zone out on anxiety meds, Netflix, Hulu, porn, meds, social media, alcohol – we bury ourselves in work, to try to play the role our partner or family or society has assigned for us.

But every day we continue to do that, we aren’t in alignment with our soul calling. The energy is negative. We don’t progress forward. We wonder why we always end up in these types of relationships, why we don’t have success with relationships – and it’s because we don’t follow our soul calling. We don’t follow our soul alignment. Instead, we operate in the Matrix – mundane work, busy tasks to keep ourselves distracted, material items of this world, frequent holidays, trips, and accumulation of stuff.

But none of that satisfies. God throws roadblocks in our life to warn us when we aren’t on the right path. But sometimes we are so consumed with the things of this world we don’t tune in to the signs and signals he’s sending our way. So he sends people in our life to help move us – but it’s ultimately up to us. God still gives us the free will to learn and choose. We are so riddled by society – we’re worried about what others might think, we operate out of comfort, we choose to stay in places that don’t help propel us forward, places that don’t make us feel safe, or feel like home. In my case, things that prevent me from having a close relationship with God.

I can’t do that. I couldn’t do that. The life choices I made in the past were the result of the unhealed, unconscious version of me. If you talk to close friends about your soul feeling for this new person, they may dismiss it as a midlife crisis – or, perhaps rationalize it based on their own thoughts (you were bored, you needed excitement, it’s temporary…) What happens, though, is that time and distance make your feelings for this person stronger and more intense – and it’s because this person is your SOUL CALLING. The more you resist, the more intense it gets.

If you have guilt, it is your ego wanting you to be a good person.

But if you aren’t listening to yourself, or honoring yourself, or loving yourself fully how can you ever give 100% of yourself to someone else?

If you meet someone, and you are soulfully drawn to them on every level in that unique way, the other person in your life (spouse) is only going to get half of you. You might think you are doing the right thing by staying in your marriage, but you aren’t – you both deserve more than that. You cannot go backwards and move forward. And you can’t move forward in the same way that you previously may have moved forward. You certainly can stay in a marriage that you’re not fully vested in, but if your mind and heart are yearning for and missing the other person, is that fair for the marriage?

It’s like I had no choice but to do something different to make the change. This person was called and brought into my life for a reason. My life completely changed. My husband and I were completely unrelatable – we were two different people that remained in the same home for years, but we didn’t connect at surface level and we certainly didn’t and couldn’t connect on a deep, soulful level. We just existed to exist. I could not continue to be somewhere that was not helping propel me forward, nor could I remain somewhere with someone who did not match my energy.

I filed for divorce.

I moved completely on my own, without any help or assistance from others.

I changed my business direction… I started new ventures, re-directed my focus on the ventures I was working on.

I changed my way of working.

My body and physical health changed and improved for the better.

My kids are much happier now than they have ever been. They hold conversations with anyone, and they are well-adjusted, and confident in themselves. The ONLY reason I did not do it sooner was because of the fears, prejudice, what people might say, the societal expectation, the Biblical expectation of marriage.

For the first time in my life, I can see clearly – I have shed the old version of me and I am progressing forward in a new, positive energy in ways I haven’t ever imagined I could. I finally feel like I am in alignment with who I really am – I’m doing what I love, and I feel “light” most of the time. Certainly I do have days where I’m paralyzed by fear of what may lay ahead, but at the end of the day, I feel safe and content with the little that I do have.

You, ultimately, have to trust yourself and your decisions – as long as you make the choices that are in alignment with your SOUL calling, deep down in your heart.

I don’t know if this person I love will make the choice to follow his soul. I know he is capable of more, he’s capable of a love that is unlike anything he has ever known. However, he has to discover his own life purpose and the only way he can do that is by time in solitude to discover his life purpose. I want the peace that I experience when he is in my life.