There’s something to be said about solitude – it makes you reflect on your past. It also helps you self reflect within. While solitude can be challenging for some, it’s almost essential for self growth.
It can also be a much needed essential for self preservation, too.
Twenty years later, as I look back on my own life, turn of events, faces, and experiences, there are so many things I would have done different. There were so many red flags that I should have paid greater attention to.
But I didn’t. Sadly enough, I didn’t know they were red flags at the time, though I definitely had my doubts along the way. I also had periods of time where I questioned why I was where I was… but then, life. Life happens – you get busy with kids, extracurricular activities, appointments, and household maintenance. Mix in work obligations, and appearances (to a certain extent) and it’s easy to see how one person can allow one toxic situation to turn into a 19 year relationship with someone who has become a stranger.
A manipulative, abusive stranger.
I know I am not alone in my experiences. There are men, and women out there galore who have somewhat of the same experiences that have transpired over time. There are so many reasons people don’t tune in to red flags earlier. Perhaps they feel an obligation to their marital commitment due to religious reasons. Or.. they are too deep into their marriage to even contemplate changing anything…
Perhaps they fear they won’t find someone else. Some people are comfortable with toxic relationships because they were raised in a substandard family where toxicity was the norm. Change is hard. It is also very scary. But without change, we cannot and do not grow into our true selves.
Twenty years of manipulative, toxic abuse has led me to journal the years, struggles, frustrations, highs, lows and more – in hopes that just one person will gain inspiration in their own life.
While I can’t say that I enjoyed 20 years of manipulation, it has opened my eyes to help me understand what I don’t want in my next life partner. It has helped me learn so much more about myself and my abilities than I could have ever anticipated.
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