Finding peaceful healing and growth after narcissistic abuse
Have you ever just wanted people to hear you out… and instead, received unsolicited advice?
As an INFJ, it is one of my biggest pet peeves and yet it happens almost daily.
Over the course of my marriage, prior to divorce, my (now) ex-husband had a tendency to give his unsolicited advice to me about anything and everything he could. Looking back, it was his way of controlling me – dehumanizing me, breaking me down so that I couldn’t trust my inner voice, intuition, and make my own decisions.
I find social media to be a soul-sucking void of meaningless affirmation.
Dopamine hit –> Validation!
Several years ago, I deleted my Instagram accounts (I had several businesses, thus several accounts), and Facebook account, and hired someone to manage my Facebook business page so I could rid myself of social media entirely.
It’s fairly uncommon for any business owner to ditch their social media – considering that social media can be such a lucrative way of attracting new customers and promoting the expansion of any business. To survive, and thrive, in any business without social media requires a level of effort and creativity that’s challenging for any business-owner.
Ditching those mediums of communication was life-changing. Over time, I felt more present, calm and happy in general.
My “most important” friends continued to keep in touch with me through SMS (text), sent me real postal mail, and called me to have REAL conversations.
When you start to grow as a person, you reach a point where you really don’t care about everyone’s opinion – you don’t necessarily care what others are doing in life when you’re working hard to get yours together.
Then, eventually, you won’t ever go back because you’ll notice how ridiculous people who are “in it” seem, and you are thankful that you got out entirely.
Social media was, and still is, a big competition for likes and popularity.
It’s compulsive.
Dopamine is a factor. Isolation is another. People everywhere are craving connection and understanding in a world where we are increasingly alienated from other humans. These platforms are designed to be extremely addictive.
Every post is a compulsive performance.
Every second is lived as a potential square on our Instagram that needs to be checked off.
A quote, from a book you are reading – because it makes you seem like an expert
Your embellished relationship with your spouse – yet your marriage isn’t anything close to wholesome
Your superficial fitness recommendations – promoting your pseudo nutrition and fitness advice, a coverup for a desperate attempt to peddle your MLM
Your over-exaggerated mothering or fathering – makes you feel validated, relatable, in a sense
Spoiler: it’s not good.
Behavior is driven by the desire to acquire – in the way of validation, notoriety, attention, belonging. Deep down, people like to feel interesting.
The name of the game these days is “Trust me, I’m an influencer. I know what’s best for you.”
Sure…
Except that some of these influencers have taken residence in idiocracy – along with a bunch of others who believe themselves to be morally and intellectually superior to us common folk who are not on social media.
Have you ever told someone you’re not on social media? The result is an absolute look of confusion and bewilderment. The herd mentality is strong – to overcome that herd mentality, drop the sheep-ish behavior.
Most people would rather follow the crowd, wherever it goes, than venture out on our own. That falls on our human need to feel validated, seen, important, and needed. Social media can have a tendency to fuel narcissism with its constant likes, follows, and views in the form of posts and stories.
Since narcissists don’t have the ability to feel secure and worthy without that external validation, attention, notoriety, and praise, social media provides the avenue to do just that.
Social media, consumerism, mediocrity and competitive drive are all driven and reinforced by the rise and dependency of social media in America.
Most of the time, narcissistic trails are an attempt to hide, defend or deny deep seated insecurities.
Everyone on social media is looking to gain followers, but no matter how rational and independent we think we are, it’s easier for us to follow the crowd than create our own path.
Being an outsider is lonely, it’s uncomfortable, and it’s … different.
That is why most will take the path more heavily traveled. Nobody wants to be that loner that stands out.
After all, image is everything.
Don’t follow the crowd. They are lost.
Instead, seek your own wisdom. Don’t post. Don’t like.
Just live your life.
Be in the present moment. Create memories with your kids. Stop looking for a need to fulfill yourself outside of your life.
Realize that the person who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual.
Niche fitness classes might reign, but working out alone is there it’s at – at least for me.
If one thing is true, it is that the fitness industry is an extremely saturated place to be, and to watch. Don’t get me wrong – working out is a major life priority for me and has been for years.
I was in a terribly unhappy marriage for years. There was an absence of love, respect, communication and even compassion in my marriage.
