My mother struggled with borderline personality disorder when I was a young child. She was attentive, most of the time. But certain situations would trigger her fear of rejection and abandonment or childhood wounds and boom.

Just like that, she’d withdraw.

She’d isolate. Ignore. Not respond to us children. She’d give the silent treatment to my father. Nothing, and I mean nothing, would get her to come around.

It was hard, so vary hard, to understand what was going on when I was a child.

It was probably just as hard for my Dad – though in all honesty, it was challenging for different reasons. He was a narcissist who got supply from my mother. People with borderline personality disorder seem to be drawn to narcissists and vice versa – for a narcissist, they have an endless form of supply. Someone they can use and abuse. For the borderline, they fear rejection and abandonment so they are that needy, co-dependent person that sticks to the person with narcissistic patterns of behavior in efforts to prevent being alone.

Being alone was her biggest fear

As I grew up, my mothers triggers became worse. Her silent bouts went for longer periods of time – for days, then weeks, then months. Imagine, as a child, having to care for yourself because your parent won’t acknowledge or speak to you? It was such a sad, confusing and aggravating thing to deal with as a young adult.

Now, I’m an adult – my mother has since passed on. My father, while he is still alive, still struggles with narcissistic patterns of behavior – and as a result, I have discontinued that relationship. But the fears of abandonment, and rejection are still there. In full force .

For the majority of my marriage, I largely felt alone, misunderstood and unseen. I took care of the children in great depth, the household was maintained and I was motivated to keep busy by way of working.  Eventually, my unhappiness led to a breaking point in the marriage where I was not willing to work on it to make it vibrant again – it would never be vibrant because there was no connection with my (then) husband. Every day was just a day at surviving the next.

Until I met someone incredibly special

I was over the moon. This person made me feel things I have NEVER felt before. But then… boom. He was gone. For weeks at a time, only to return, and leave again. Compound this over the course of several years – running, returning, ghosting, not responding, blocking, unblocking — it hurts, so massively, to be in this separation. Separation hurts – because it stirs all the wounds you have been carrying – rejection, abandonment; it makes you feel unloved, unworthy.

Here is the person that seems perfect in every day, that makes you feel over the moon happy, that you have connected with more intimately than you have ever imagine and whom you have loved more intensely than you have ever loved anything. Up until this separation, they seem to feel the same way about you. But suddenly it stops. They leave you on read, then they block, and disappear without a word. They don’t say why. They may not even know why. How can someone you feel so connected to just suddenly ghost you one day when everything seemed to be blissful the day prior?

The person on the receiving end of the rejection can’t seem to walk away quite that easily because they wholeheartedly love the one that is indecisive. Cue now rejection wounds, abandonment wounds, betrayal wounds, and all of the traumas you have buried since childhood. They are now already shaking loose, they are rising to the service. And you are going to have to FEEL them. It is painful.

Previously, you never knew these issues were affecting you. You may have been with a karmic (boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse) that NEVER made you feel this way. And that is because that karmic relationship was “safe”. It may have not been the relationship of your dreams, and it may have been emotionally unfulfilling but it was safe.

And what’s safe is comfortable, even if it’s toxic.

It’s hard to face the truths because it’s hurts to confront our old traumas. It hurts to feel that old pain. And separation is a challenging time. And this situation continues to repeat itself…  conversation, then left on read, then boom – they ghost you, block you and weeks later they return as if everything is fine.

Every time this happens a new layer of wounds is brought to the surface to be healed, again. And again. Until the runner leaves, yet again, in fear that these feelings he/she feels are not real, or to escape the fear that he isn’t capable of this kind of love, or he will get hurt. His fears of rejection, abandonment, low confidence are core wounds – instead, he’s living in his ego – comfort, money, materialism, or religion, because he can’t bear to succumb to a life of discomfort without those items. The runner hurts in a way, but the journey doesn’t get easier.

Running is a reaction to fear

Fear is a program deeply rooted in us. It began as children – and it was programmed in our brain. You can’t fear the connection with that person. You must embrace it, and in doing so, embrace yourself.

The runner will tend to have a stoic nature.. they’ll try to fake happiness after meeting you, they’ll even run back to their regular life. They’ll try to stay in their old patterns and resist new changes to ward off possible triggers. The runner will even forge new connections, immerse themself in work, social media, even the outdoors – they’ll try to forget what they are feeling.

They’ll run from the present. They’ll do this because they are running from uncomfortable feelings, from words, from believing — you run from God.

If you have met someone who runs, you will go through severe emotional distress – all of your core wounds will be triggered.  Your twin will upheave your life, they’ll turn everything upside down. Their presence will make you realize that you have been lying to yourself for years – it’s likely that you won’t even know just who you are. Deep down, you’ll crave a higher, emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy – but you’ll go through every emotion imaginable when that person deserts you, ghosts, blocks, and even leaves you on read.

It is in those times, you must be thankful for this time. By triggering your core wounds of fear, rejection, abandonment, you’ll grow as a person. You’ll become a better person, you’ll start to love yourself and your own company. You’ll grow in your understanding of others, become more patient and tolerant with your children, and even yourself.

In essence ,you will become your TRUE self. For without those triggers, you would have never realized just how much love you have given to everyone but yourself. Eventually, earthly things become less interesting and old patterns become annoying. Use positive emotions of gratitude for those old things; use gratitude and compassion towards those who are still stuck in earthly ways – money, status, “stuff”, and superficial relationships.

For there is no growth without discomfort.